


kiss your scars

by hollysonf



Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, University AU, changyoon is a whole mess, innocent boy seungjun, jaeyoung is always sloshed asf, minkyun best friend !, minseok is the cutest lil brother, panicked hyojin, please read the tws before each chapter !!, yuto shows up like once oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:55:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28997853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollysonf/pseuds/hollysonf
Summary: seungjun lives the life of a rich, university student who struggles to make friends. when he one day stumbles upon a kind classmate holding the umbrella over him, his social life changes drastically from then on.
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Lee Seungjun | J-Us
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hey !! this is my very first onf work eeee i hope y'all like it :D this ff WILL have tw/cws at the beginning of each chapter so you know what to look out for <3 happy reading and stan onf !!
> 
> oh, and take a shot every time seungjun says "plenty" in this story ;))
> 
> — h

seungjun glances out the window as the trees before him run by. he still had another hour until he was off this train and back to the dorm of his university. winter break came to an end and he was returning after having stayed with his family for the holidays. 

seungjun's life, to other people, was the equivalent of a perfect one. high class and caring family, amazing grades, well paid part time job, fantastic university, everything one could ever want. because of all the stereotypes of the rich, smart kid, seungjun had a harder time making friends. not that he really cared that much about any, but if he was honest, he felt lonely. 

this lonlieness had absorbed seungjun to become reserved and quiet, and even depressed at times. but hey, as long as he was wealthy, no use in being sad right? that's what his parents let him know, at least. 

the light haired massaged his temples. he knew that having any sort of friend would distract him. not just because of an extra person to worry about, but also him still trying to figure out exactly who he was. seungjun knew he couldn't only be another rich asian boy going to a good school, there had to be more to him than that. he wanted to know himself before knowing somebody else. 

after pondering out the window for what felt to be years, the train came to its final stop. seungjun grabbed his luggage and made his way outside. he took in the surroundings of the road that leads to his school. he knew he had been around this area plenty of times before, but why did it still feel new every time? 

his feet directed him where he needed to be as he rolled the case behind him. drops of water began to fall from above, hitting the base of the boy's nose. from what had been sprinkling quickly turned into pounds worth of water seeping into seungjun's new trench coat he had gotten for christmas. 

the boy heaved a sigh. he had almost never been prepared for rain. it was rare he had ever brought umbrellas with him because he felt it was more of a wasted space. at those points, he'd rather be rained on. nothing stays wet forever, anyways. 

seungjun stood at the large crosswalk, eager to get back to his dorm. he was exhausted from traveling and all he wanted to do was snuggle back into his large comforter. 

suddenly, the droplets of rain hitting his head had faded. did it stop raining? 

seungjun looked up and saw an umbrella peeking over him. he spun around and was startled to see a somewhat familiar face. changyoon. 

"hi, uh... you looked like you were starting to get wet. i wouldn't want to ruin that nice coat you have on." 

seungjun was still taken aback at the sudden act of kindness. for the past two years he had been at this school, even small things such as a hallway 'hi' weren't common for him. let alone someone sharing your umbrella with you. he recognized changyoon as he took the same major as him. "oh, uh- thanks." 

"oh, looks like we can cross now." 

seungjun looked back and saw that the crosswalk light had changed. the duo began to walk side by side in awkward silence. if there was one thing seungjun hated, it was awkward silence. 

but before he could say anything, changyoon spoke up. 

"you're seungjun, right?" 

seungjun presumably nodded. 

"yeah, i thought recognized you. i'm changyoon, by the way. if, you didn't already know that." 

yes, i knew that, thanks. at this rate, seungjun wished changyoon hadn't offered his umbrella at all. he didn't like how he gave such small talk. not to mention, he wasn't that great at it either. "yeah, changyoon, right." 

"how was your break?" 

he kinda felt bad for him. he could tell that changyoon was trying to be nice to him and make an attempt at talking, but seungjun would rather talk about something actually interesting. nonetheless, he decided to be nice. 

"it was fine. how about yours?" 

"it was good. i was just glad to see my dog that i haven't seen in about a year. he's a really good boy." 

seungjun smiled at the reminder of his family dog. they had a chihuahua named bister, who even if he was a brat at times, had a large place in seungjun's heart. "yeah, i was able to see my dog too. i've always had a huge soft spot for him." 

"really? that's adorable. i easily prefer dogs over cats." 

with that, the two talked about their dogs for the rest of the walk. changyoon was happy to find a common interest to talk about with seungjun as he had always been pretty fond of him. even from across the classroom, he could tell he needed a friend in his life and someone he could talk to. he knew that once he saw him standing on his own at the crosswalk, changyoon had the perfect opportunity to befriend him. 

he found himself walking seungjun to his dorm. seungjun looked at him awkwardly, blinking his eyes. "uh, are you in this dorm too?" 

"oh, n-no. i just wanted to walk you back. that's all. but it was fun talking to you. i hope we can talk more in class." 

seungjun gave him a smile and nodded. changyoon felt a strange tug in his chest when he did that. "yeah, for sure. i'll catch you later." 

changyoon nodded and waved goodbye as he watched seungjun drag himself inside. there's gonna be a later? he couldn't wait. 

seungjun dragged his luggage behind him as he made it towards his dorm room. he had been praying that his roommate, jaeyoung, wasn't there smoking weed or partying at the moment. all he wanted to do was take a goddamn nap. the last thing he wanted was the stench of vodka wafting in his room. 

thankfully, his prayers were answered. jaeyoung was nowhere to be seen, most likely due to the fact that he was a procrastinator and will move back into the dorm room the day school starts up again. seungjun tsked. he threw down his bag and peeled off his coat. 

as soon as he changed into comfortable clothing, he hopped into his bed and took his well deserved nap. 

\- 

as rich as his family was, seungjun had always been super insistent on having his own part time job. his parents offered him numerous times to him that they could just pay for seungjun's expenses on their own, but their son convinced them that the money they made deserved to be their own. 

it was another day of work at your average fancy restaurant that seungjun had to drive for at least thirty miles to everyday to get in a four hour shift. because of his good looks and kind attitude towards his customers, he was tipped fairly often. 

being a waiter had its "pain in the ass" moments, like one time when he was trying to take an older women's order and was splashed on by her scolding hot coffee because he couldn't hear her quite well. it was his favorite work suit too. 

but it did have its good moments too. every once in a while, he'd get middle aged women swooning over his appearance and older women making comments such as "do you have a grandfather?". seungjun was flattered, but something about women flirting with him made him uneasy. 

nonetheless, the tips he had made were fantastic. he'd end up giving above half the tips to the owner for running the place well. although the owner always refused his offers, seungjun would always find someway to sneak it in his pockets or something. 

one school night, seungjun was off at 11 pm. he had been the last one there, finishing up on wiping down the tables and making sure all the dishes made it to the kitchen. he heaved a sigh and stretched out his back. seungjun fished out his phone and had got a missed video call from his little brother, minseok. 

seungjun slightly chuckled to himself at the thought of minseok. his brother always seemed to miss him. but i guess if you haven't seen someone all year besides holidays, you're guaranteed to want to see them whenever possible. 

it was too late to call him back but he sent a quick, simple text message. 

hey buddy, sorry i was working. i'll chat with you tomorrow, get some good sleep. love you kiddo <3 

seungjun locked his phone and finished up his shift. he counted having made about $150 during today's shift. earlier he had about $350, but had obviously given most of it to the owner. he closes up the restaurant and makes his way into his car and drives back to his dorm.


	2. two

a week passes and seungjun's on his way back to his dorm after a long ass lecture. he was looking forward to getting his project done and having the rest of his time to himself. 

as he approaches his dorms, he sees someone in the distance anxiously waiting. seungjun's a few feet from him when he realizes that it's changyoon. 

"hey." 

changyoon whips his head around and smiles when he sees seungjun. "hi seungjun!" 

"who are you waiting for?" 

"oh, uh-" changyoon fiddles with the bottom of his sweater. "i had actually wanted to see you." 

seungjun tilts his head. "really? what's up?" 

"well, i-i've been needing some help on this project that we're doing. um, would you be able to help me on it? it's fine if you don't, i don't want to take too much of y-" 

seungjun chuckles. "don't worry about it. of course i can help you. come with me." 

as seungjun swings open the door to the hallway full of dorm rooms, changyoon beams inside. jackpot! 

seungjun opens the door to his room and sees his roommate sitting on his bed, smoking a joint while looking at his phone. he sighs and looks back at changyoon. "i apologize if it reeks of weed." 

changyoon's smile fade when he finds out that him and seungjun had company. he wasn't too surprised considering all students were required to have roommates, but it'd be nice if he could spend more alone time with him. 

as the two make their way in, seungjun slings his bag down on the floor and changyoon closes the door behind them. the blonde cracks the window. "could've at least opened the window." he muttered. 

jaeyoung scoffs and blows the smoke in his direction. seungjun coughs and fans his roommates weed breath away. "how about you cry about it then?" 

seungjun turns away and rolls his eyes, annoyed with jaeyoung's attitude. he makes eye contact with changyoon and gives him a reassuring smile. "don't worry about him. let's just get this project done and over with." 

\- 

a few hours pass and the two finally finish their projects together. seungjun heaves a sigh of relief. "holy shit, that took so long." 

changyoon giggles. "good thing we got it over with." 

seungjun continues to stretch out his limbs. changyoon suddenly gets an idea, but is hesitant on expressing it. the blonde narrows his eyes towards him. "what are you thinking about?" 

changyoon looks back and readjusts himself. "um, are you free tonight?" 

seungjun thinks for a second before nodding his head. 

"uh, would you wanna go grab dinner with me? i-i can pay." 

seungjun smiles and nods. "yeah, i don't see why not. and don't worry about money, i have plenty." 

changyoon smiles brighter. he refrains himself from bouncing all over the walls in excitement. a date with seungjun was all he's ever wanted. "okay, sounds good. w-we can go whenever you're ready." 

"actually," seungjun checks his watch. "it's kinda late. we could head out right now. where would you like to go?" 

changyoon was slightly taken aback by the sudden question. it was up to him now? he stares into the wooden floor as he curls his lips. fancy restaurant? no, too over the top. fast food? no, too basic. 

he peers back up at seungjun. "i know this diner that i think is about a half hour away. i could drive us there." 

the other nods in agreement. "sounds good to me. let's go." 

\- 

the two sat in the corner of the diner, with seungjun taking in all of the details. he had never been at this restaurant before, but he was glad changyoon took him out to it. it was old fashioned and quiet, which he was pretty fond of. 

"i come here about once a week. i know most of the workers here pretty well, they all go to the college a couple blocks down." changyoon commented. 

seungjun nodded. "that's neat." 

seungjun's phone began to buzz. both of their attention is drawn to the phone in front of seungjun as seungjun picks it up and checks the id. it was minseok. 

seungjun smiled as he looked up at changyoon. "it's my brother. he'll just want to say hi." 

changyoon watches as seungjun accepts the call. seungjun waves at the boy in the phone. 

"it's a miracle that you even answered." minseok said. 

seungjun playfully rolled his eyes. "i'm not that busy. you know i always try and make time for you." 

"even now, you look like you're out somewhere." 

"i am, but i can chat for a few minutes." 

minseok tsked. "at least you're finally making friends." 

seungjun wished minseok hadn't said that in front of changyoon. "you want me to hang up on you now?" 

"no!" 

"that's what i thought. how's school going?" 

"it's going. not fun at all, though." 

"but you've been keeping up okay?" 

"yeah mom..." 

seungjun chuckled. "i'm serious. i know high school is rough but you'll get through it. let me know if you need help with anything. i gotta head out now, i'll text you later okay?" 

minseok sighed in disappointment. "okay..." 

"keep your head for me yeah? i love you bud." 

"love you too." 

seungjun hung up and directed his attention back at changyoon. "he's always deprived of me. it's cute." 

changyoon looked down and fiddled with his fingers. "yeah." he didn't know why he felt this hint of jealousy. he knew it was only his brother, but he wanted seungjun to talk to him the way he talks to his brother. changyoon knows seungjun doesn't have a lot of friends, and he wanted to help him change that. but he didn't want anyone else to help him except for him. 

"hey changyoon," 

changyoon looked up and saw yuto, one of the workers and a close friend of his. he cheered up at the sight of him. "hi yuto." 

"who's this with you today?" yuto asked motioning at his new friend. 

"i'm seungjun." the blonde smiled. 

"aren't you an absolutely beautiful man? i bet yoonie over here is lucky to have a friend like you." 

changyoon shot a glare at yuto. "i told you to quick calling me that." although the nickname annoyed him, the truth in the glare came from yuto flirting with seungjun. 

yuto chuckled. "honest apologies. what can i get started for you two tonight?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little jealousyyyyyy


	3. three

seungjun and changyoon had been finishing up their dinner. thankfully, seungjun was able to convince changyoon that he could pay for his own food. and if he wanted to, he could've paid for both of their meals. 

"yeah, no way am i making you do that." 

seungjun chuckled. "i mean i could." 

changyoon smiled. "but you're not going to. that's not what i brought you here for." 

seungjun scoffed. "fine." 

the two got to know each other more through the long conversation they had over dinner. seungjun was happy about making a friend who was actually dedicated to talking to him. it made him worry less about school and work. changyoon was happy about getting closer with his crush and having a successful date with him. 

but there had something that felt off to seungjun. he saw a brunette boy constantly running around to countless tables despite being plenty of other waiters capable to take orders. he saw from the corner of his eye of the boy constantly apologizing to a certain table and him getting scolded by his fellow coworkers. 

changyoon noticed him zoning. "you okay?" 

seungjun directed his attention back at changyoon. "yeah, uh... do you know his name over there?" 

changyoon followed his gaze and saw who he was talking about. "oh, him? that's hyojin. i haven't spoken to him before but yuto told me there's no use in talking to him. according to him, hyojin's useless. he seems to fuck up a lot of orders but the owner doesn't want to fire him since they're short staffed. don't mind him too much." 

seungjun titled his head. "i don't know, he just looks really stressed." 

"i said not to worry about it." 

seungjun was taken aback by changyoon's change of tone. 

"s-sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice." changyoon wasn't fond of seungjun talking about other guys. it was his third time feeling jealous tonight and he wanted a way to get over it. 

"it's fine." seungjun said looking down. 

changyoon sighed, noticing seungjun's change in attitude. "we should go back. it's getting late." 

seungjun nodded without looking up. he was busy fishing out his money. "yeah, let's go now." 

the two pay for the meals and say their goodbyes to yuto. just before they head out, seungjun stops in the doorway. 

"hold on, i need to use the bathroom real quick." 

changyoon agrees as seungjun goes to the back of the diner. he swings open the door and sees that the boy from earlier was washing his face. 

seungjun fishes out a hundred dollar bill from his wallet and puts it next to the sink he was at. the boy looks up in confusion. 

"you looked pretty stressed out. here's a tip. thank you for your hard work." seungjun smiled as he entered one of the stalls. 

hyojin was bewildered. a hundred dollar tip? he hardly got any tips at all. he had been struggling financially and this was a big help to him. he continued looking back and forth between the money he was given and the stall seungjun was in. 

seungjun came out of the stall and was surprised to see hyojin still there. hyojin broke eye contact and stepped away from the sink for seungjun to use. 

"t-thank you so much. really." hyojin thanked as seungjun began to wash his hands. 

seungjun smiled. "it's nothing. you deserve it." 

"i-i...." hyojin had to stop himself from telling him how much he needed the tip and how awful he had been living outside of work. 

seungjun dried off his hands as he looked back at hyojin, feeling concerned. "are you alright?" 

hyojin sniffled as he nodded. "yes. thank you again." he shuffles past seungjun and makes his way out the door. 

seungjun stares at the door hyojin just walked out of. did a hundred dollars really mean that much to him? he was glad he could make someone's day better. maybe he should visit here more often. the food was good anyways. 

seungjun exits the diner and meets changyoon back at the car. he smiles at changyoon as he shuffles into the passenger's seat. changyoon, however, doesn't smile back. seungjun notes this. 

"you okay?" seungjun asks as closes the door next to him. 

"y-yeah. i've been wanting to ask you something." 

seungjun nods and hums. 

"um, have you had a boyfriend before?" 

seungjun furrows his brows and tilts his head. a boyfriend? "no, i haven't dated anyone before." he wasn't even sure if he was gay. he had crushes on both boys and girls in the past but no one had ever asked him out besides random middle aged women he met in his restaurant. 

"do you want to date someone?" changyoon asked, dead serious. 

seungjun shrugged. "i mean, it would be nice to know that someone wants me in their life." 

"well i'd love to have you in my life." 

seungjun purses his lips as he avoids eye contact with changyoon. he never thought about his feelings for changyoon but he's definitely caught onto changyoon's feelings for him. his heart has never pounded faster in his life. 

he felt a hand on his cheek and his face being slowly lifted up. seungjun's body tended up at the feeling of changyoon's hand. he now saw changyoon's face inches away from his. 

"so you haven't been kissed by anyone before?" changyoon whispered. 

seungjun's heart was beating so loudly that he was surprised changyoon couldn't hear it. seungjun shook his head. changyoon leans in closer. 

"this is what it feels like." 

the next second, seungjun's lips are occupied by changyoon's. changyoon took control over the kiss, digging deep into the blonde's lips. seungjun had no idea that kissing could feel so rough. but he couldn't stop himself from wanting the feeling. 

changyoon pulled away slightly, connecting their foreheads. "kiss back." he demanded. 

seungjun hesitated before pressing his lips back onto changyoon's, holding the back of his neck to secure himself. changyoon loves the feeling of seungjun's warm hands on his cold skin. he moves his hands towards seungjun's hair and harshly grips his scalp. seungjun moans in the kiss. changyoon loves the sounds of seungjun's moans and wanted to hear more of them. he moves his hands from seungjun's hair down to his crotch, where he lightly palms at the bulge of his jeans. seungjun shivers at the sensitivity down there and moans once more. 

changyoon pulls away, seeing his partner as a red faced mess. he loves the man he created out of seungjun. changyoon rubs over his crotch again and seungjun bites his lip to stop himself from moaning again. 

"so you haven't been touched by anyone either?" changyoon asks, his voice cold. 

seungjun shakes his head as he continues to catch his breath. 

"this is what it feels like." he says as he begins unbuttoning his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't get burn it by golden child out of my head but am i complaining? definitely not <3


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter WILL contain smut ! you have been warned
> 
> also minor bickering

seungjun couldn't sleep that night. his "sleep" consisted of tossing and turning over constantly in his bed. he was in a mass amount of pain. 

he groaned at the sheer pain he felt after the experience. was this really what it felt like? how could anyone have sex when it hurts so bad? did people enjoy not being able to sleep every night they had sex with people? 

this didn't make his identity crisis any better. if this was what kissing and having sex really felt like, he didn't like boys. so was he straight? or does this make him ace? 

seungjun sighed. he sat upright and turned on the lamp beside him. he grabbed his book he started reading and flipped to the page he was on. he thought reading could help him sleep and distract him from his crisis. unfortunately, the pain that continued to surface in his ass made it difficult to focus. seungjun found himself constantly shifting whilst trying to read. in a way, he could still feel changyoon's hands all over his body. 

he shut his book and started to hit himself with it. why did he hurt so badly? was he such a virgin before to the point he was being punished by the sex gods for having it so late? or was changyoon lying to him? 

seungjun put his book aside and laid back down. tears started to brim his eyes. his parents weren't going to be thrilled if they ever hear about this. 

\- 

the sound of skin slapping and running water echoes the shower room as seungjun is leaned up against the wall being pounded into by changyoon. seungjun's eyes are half shut as slivers of moans escape from his mouth. 

"louder. there's no one in here." 

seungjun tilts his head back as he feels himself be continuously penetrated. changyoon spreads the blonde's asscheeks further apart from each other to better his access to him. seungjun lets a loud moan slip out. 

"good boy." 

changyoon digs his fingernails into seungjun's sides as he picks up the pace. seungjun's mouth hangs open as he feels his tears build up again. 

"i-it hurts-" 

"what did i tell you to call me?" 

"d-daddy... it hurts so bad..." seungjun feels his voice crack. 

"it's supposed to hurt, baby." changyoon removes himself from seungjun and spins him around. "now get on your knees." 

\- 

seungjun had a hard time walking, just trying to get to class. he earned some weird stares and whispers from all around him, hearing something along the lines of "looks like the rich kid got fucked". 

he had to call out from work today because he woke up feeling sore and ill. he's never called out from work before so it was sort of a shock to the owner, but told him to take good care of himself. 

seungjun arrived to his lecture and was excited to sit down due to how weak his knees were. he had noticeable bags under his eyes and he hardly changed out of his pajamas. seungjun looked across the room to see changyoon, only for him to look away in response. seungjun sighed. the only "dates" they had ever been on this week were just fucking sessions. was there ever any love in them? 

overtime, seungjun had grown serious feelings for changyoon. he cherished the time they went on their first ever date. seungjun wanted to do everything to make changyoon happy, but it seems the only thing that would make him happy would be to sacrifice his body for him. they hadn't even confirmed if they were dating. 

"seungjun?" 

seungjun shook his head and looked up at his professor. "sorry?" 

"you look unwell. do you need to see the nurse?" 

seungjun's head was pounding like crazy and he did feel some slight nausea. "yes. could you write me a pass?" 

"of course. head on down." 

seungjun stood up and bowed, embarrassed that all eyes had been on him now. "thank you." he was glad he had great grades, otherwise his professor wouldn't have let him off the hook so easily. 

seungjun limps his way to the nurse's office, eager to catch more rest. it's been a while since he's had a good night's sleep due to the excessive pain he's been constantly feeling in his body. this wasn't changyoon's fault though, right? i mean, he said that this was what it felt like. maybe seungjun's body wasn't super capable of tolerating that sort of pain. 

seungjun's knees began to give up on him. he felt himself topple over but felt someone grab him as his head was about to hit the ground. 

"holy shit, are you okay?" he heard a new voice ask. 

seungjun turned his head to see a new face, looking down at him. seungjun's vision went foggy as he shook his head. 

the mysterious boy helped lift seungjun to his feet. "i'll get you to the nurse. i saw you started falling when i came out of the bathroom." 

seungjun couldn't see anything. all he knew what was happening was himself being dragged to the nurse by someone's he's never met. "w-who are you....?" he asked sluggishly. 

"i'm minkyun. i'm assuming you're seungjun?" 

seungjun nodded his head. 

"i've heard a lot about you. nothing bad though, don't worry." 

"i'm.... honestly not too concerned about that." 

minkyun hums. "what happened?" 

seungjun sighs. "i'll... tell you once we're t-" 

"hey, i can take him down. you should go back to your class." 

seungjun cringed at hearing the familiar voice. minkyun shook his head. "don't worry, i got it." 

"no, i can do it. he's my boyfriend." 

so we are dating? seungjun thought. he was far too out of it to fully process the conversation though. 

minkyun sighed. "i got it, changyoon. how about you go back to class? he's almost there, anyways." 

changyoon pushed at minkyun slightly. "get your filthy hands off of him." 

minkyun raises his eyebrows. "so that's what you're doing now? you really wanna-" 

"changyoon...." seungjun interferes. "don't fight. it's fine. i'll be back soon." 

changyoon felt like punching down minkyun, but decides to save it for another day. "meet me in the car after class." 

as changyoon leaves him and minkyun alone, seungjun sighs harshly. he's gonna want to fuck him again to prove that seungjun belongs to changyoon only. anytime changyoon sees seungjun alone with another guy once, he pays for it that same day. 

the two make it to the nurse's and minkyun makes sure he makes it onto the bed okay. "you can meet in mine instead. i'll be outside of it." minkyun reassures.


	5. five

"how are you feeling?" minkyun asks as he fastens his seatbelt. 

seungjun slips into the passenger's seat and looks over at minkyun with bags under his eyes. "exhausted, but better. thank you for bringing me there." 

minkyun smiles and nods. "it's my pleasure. do you wanna go anywhere in particular?" 

seungjun earns this mild ptsd from being in changyoon's car before. but he decides he wants to visit hyojin again. "yeah, there's this diner about half an hour away that we could get for lunch." 

"thank god you said that." minkyun says as he revs up the car. "i haven't eaten all day. could you put it in the gps for me?" 

\- 

seungjun and minkyun sit at the diner, waiting for someone to start them up. they start to talk about what happened earlier. 

"i wasn't excited to see changyoon. he always gives me this weird gut feeling. is it true you two are dating?" minkyun asks. 

seungjun nods as he purses his lips. "y-yeah, we've been dating for about a week now." 

minkyun's uneasy. he didn't like how changyoon was acting towards seungjun. and the fact that seungjun came to his car instead of changyoon's implied that something was going on in the relationship. "well, as long as you're happy with him." 

seungjun nodded. "i am, don't you worry." 

minkyun narrows his eyes. "are you sure?" 

seungjun sighed. "yes i am." it was honestly none of minkyun's concern, he was confused as to why he was so pushy about it. 

"alright, if you insist." 

"hey gentlemen, what can i get started for you two today?" 

seungjun looks over and smiles when he sees that hyojin's their waiter. hyojin instantly recognized him and was taken aback. "o-oh, hi...." 

seungjun greeted him with a nod. 

"thank you again. for real. that meant a lot to me." 

minkyun was confused but tried to catch on with seungjun's and hyojin's conversation. 

"no problem at all. i'm glad it helped." 

\- 

the two finished up their lunch and hyojin came to their table with their checks. "here you two go. just call me over when you're ready." he smiled as he walked off. 

minkyun and seungjun thanked him. minkyun looked over at seungjun. "good idea for a restaurant, seungjun. great service and great food. i should come here more often." 

seungjun nodded. "definitely. changyoon recommended this place, actually." 

minkyun's smile faded at the mention of changyoon. he curled his lips and nodded. 

"i'm leaving another large tip for him. he was baffled when i gave him one last time so i think another one could help him a lot." 

minkyun smiled at seungjun's kindness. he's especially heard about seungjun being rich, but decided not to make it his topic of discussion. "that's really nice of you." 

"well, i try my best. how do you make money?" 

"i work at a convenience store most nights. i go till about 1-1:30 am." 

seungjun widens his eyes. "damn, i can't imagine the type of people you get around that time." 

minkyun releases a breath through his nose. "ugh, tell me about it. surprised i haven't died during one of my shifts." 

"i wouldn't be able to handle working that late. the latest i go is 11 pm." 

minkyun raises his eyebrows. "where do you work?" 

"a fancy restaurant downtown. i was supposed to work today but i called in because i was feeling like hell. but since i'm better, i could perhaps go in anyways." 

minkyun shakes his head. "take the day off. you're still recovering." 

seungjun thought about it for a little bit, then eventually agreed. "okay. but that's only because i've been working for most of the week and i haven't gotten proper sleep." 

minkyun nodded in approval. "attaboy." 

seungjun chuckled as he looked over and called over hyojin. "hey, our checks are ready. and here's a tip for your hard work today." 

hyojin arrives to their table and collects the checks. he widened his eyes to see that he received a hundred dollar bill once again. hyojin eagerly shook his head to refuse. "it's okay, it's y-" 

seungjun shushed him and slid the money back into hyojin's hands. "no takebacks. it's yours. i have plenty anyways." 

hyojin gave in and accepted it, bowing immediately to the polite customer. "thank you so, so much. what's your name again?" 

"i'm seungjun. and that's minkyun." he said motioning towards his friend. minkyun awkwardly nodded and waved. 

hyojin bowed. "you've both been a huge help today. thank you for your patience. i'll be back with your cards shortly." he smiled brightly. 

seungjun was happy that he made hyojin's day yet again. 

"this feels right. i feel i'm doing something right for a change. i should definitely tip workers more often, they really do a lot for us." minkyun rambles with a smile. 

seungjun agrees. "i feel happy knowing i can make someone else happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i !! love !! minkyun !!


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: r*pe mention, minor physical violence

"so where were you? huh?" 

seungjun's heart drops at the sight of changyoon sitting in his own dorm room. jaeyoung had been with a friend so he wasn't in there with him. he feels himself break into a sweat. "uh... i-" 

changyoon smirks at the sight of seungjun as a stuttering mess. "my sweet little boy. you know what happens once you hang out with other guys, right?" 

seungjun swallows as he shuts the door behind him, eager to talk things out with him rather than have another emotionless yet painful fuck session. "c-changyoon, please. can we just talk things through?" 

changyoon stands and grabs seungjun by his collar. he yanks him closer to him, breathing on the nape of seungjun's neck. "what is there to talk about? the fact that you'd rather sleep with someone you met today rather than your own boyfriend?" 

seungjun shoved himself off of changyoon, feeling a lump begin to form at his throat. "i didn't sleep with minkyun while i was gone!" 

changyoon's ears start to flame. he slaps seungjun harshly to where he falls onto the ground. "don't think i'm dumb enough to not know your secrets, seungjun. i know you don't have any friends. minkyun doesn't care about you, yuto doesn't care about you, that fucking hyojin worker doesn't care about you. you only have me. and you only need me. you only need me and your rich ass family to live." 

seungjun huffed as tears fell onto the floor below him. he knew for a fact that he didn't need changyoon in his life, but he didn't want to lose him either. he shared his first experiences with him and he didn't want to lose that special person. "ch-" 

suddenly, seungjun's phone began to buzz. he fished it out of his pocket to see that minseok was calling him again. before he could do anything, changyoon kicked the phone out of his hand, sending it to the other side of the room. his phone screen shattered. 

seungjun was dragged up by changyoon by his sweater. seungjun tried to force changyoon's hands off of him, but it was no use. "tell your son of a bitch brother to stop fucking bothering you. you're my property now." 

\- 

tonight was like no other. not only couldn't seungjun sleep, nor was he feeling an excruciating amount of pain, but he had been crying that whole night. full fledged sobbing, if you will. 

him and changyoon got into a heated argument and had constantly been beaten left and right by him. he had bruises and scars all over his arms and legs, but there was no instinct in seungjun telling him to fight back. eventually, changyoon took advantage of him, by touching and intercoursing seungjun without his own confirmation. was this what... rape felt like? 

seungjun refused to think about it. he couldn't be thinking about it. he had a career path to be focusing on right now. he couldn't let any side problems get in the way. if he talked more things through with changyoon, it'd get better, right? 

he groaned. the feelings he had for changyoon were unreal, that he almost curses him for turning out this way. he knew he was capable of being a good person, how else would they have met? so what exactly clicked in changyoon's brain that he now had to make seungjun his own sex toy? 

seungjun tried sleeping. he did. but whenever he'd lay on a specific body part, he'd still feel changyoon's hands there somehow. he tightened his eyes shut, hoping to ignore it and try to catch even a minute of sleep. 

he couldn't. 

\- 

saturday morning, seungjun was beyond relieved that he didn't have to wake up early for school. not that he woke up anyway. he had been awake this whole time. 

he looked at his now cracked phone and saw the constant text messages coming from either changyoon or minseok. mainly changyoon. 

seungjun was incapable of unlocking his phone properly, so he had to take it to the repair shop today. trying his best to ignore his indescribable pain, he gets up and gets ready to go get his screen repaired. 

\- 

seungjun shuffles his way up to the counter. "hi, i'll just need my screen repaired today. that's it." 

"that'll be two hundred and fifty." 

seungjun fishes the amount of money, paying an extra ten dollar tip. he goes to sit on the small sofa as he waits for his phone to be fixed. as he looks around, he sees a familiar brunette boy enter the shop. seungjun tilts his head as he tries to make out his features. 

eventually, the boy turns around and his face lights up when he sees seungjun. it was hyojin. "hey seungjun!" 

seungjun smiles brightly. "hi!" 

hyojin takes the spot next to him. "surprising that i'd find you here of all places. my phone was being super slow this morning, so i brought it here." 

seungjun hums. "i accidentally shattered my phone screen, so that was pretty nice." 

hyojin clicks his tongue. "yeah, not always fun to deal with." 

the two were silent for a moment, with seungjun yawning as he hasn't gotten a decent amount of sleep in a while. "so, do you work today?" 

hyojin shakes his head. "no, thank god. i'm usually off on saturdays. do you work at all?" 

seungjun nods, rubbing his eyes. "i work at a fancy restaurant downtown. my next shift is tomorrow. i work until 11 then, which is great especially for a school night." 

"ugh, i hate late shifts. where do you go to school?" 

"hanyang university." 

hyojin's eyes widen. "you are a smart kid. i just go to the local community college down the street." 

seungjun shakes his head. "the school you go to doesn't determine how smart you are, you know." 

hyojin shrugged. "right, but... i'm not doing exceptionally well in my classes. which might be embarrassing to admit." 

"no, no judgment here at all. well, if you need help with anything, you can always ask me." seungjun offered. 

hyojin nodded. "thank you. i like to hear that." 

they both whip their head around when they see the worker come back to the counter. hyojin goes up to retrieve his phone, only to receive news he didn't expect. 

"you have an older version of the brand you've been using. the only way to fix it is to buy the upgraded version." 

hyojin groaned, tilting his head back. "okay, i'll be back here in a w-" 

seungjun appeared next to him and swiped his card in the card reader. he put in his card pin and smiled at hyojin. 

"what do you think you're doing?!" he quietly scolded. 

seungjun ignored him and faced the worker. "give us the newest version you got." 

the worker went to fetch hyojin's new phone. hyojin slightly shoved seungjun, feeling annoyed. "did you seriously just pay for my phone?" 

seungjun smirked, not regretting anything. "if you wanna contact me, you'll need your phone. and there's no way i'm gonna wait a week for that." 

hyojin clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "well, you'll have to wait a week before i can pay you back then." his new phone slid to him, in which he thanked the worker for. seungjun got his screen fixed shortly after and the two left the shop. 

"don't even worry about that. like i said, i already have plenty of money." 

hyojin rolled his neck, feeling bad that seungjun was giving him so much money. but he decided to drop it because there was no use in arguing. "anyways. are you free today?" 

if seungjun was honest, he wanted to go home and rest. after having been violated yesterday, he was physically unwell. but he wanted to spend as much time with hyojin as possible. he nodded. "yeah, anything in particular you wish to do?" 

hyojin curled his lips, thinking. "i heard there was that new spiderman movie playing in theaters today. and i'm kind of a geek for marvel. if that sounds fun to you." 

seungjun knew nothing about the marvel series whatsoever, but he nodded eagerly. "sure, let's go!"


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: there's changyoon again sigh :(

seungjun and hyojin ended up spending that whole day together. having his own time with hyojin made seungjun forget about everything in his life. from his abusive boyfriend, from work, from school, everything. he even forgot about all of the physical pain he had been going through. all he could focus on was hyojin. 

the two ended up going to a boardwalk and were currently on the top of a ferris wheel. "hey, watch this." seungjun said. he beginning rocking their cart back and forth. 

hyojin cursed at him. "don't do that. we're gonna fall out." 

seungjun laughed. "you're so ridiculous." 

hyojin playfully rolled his eyes. "you're the one that's trying to kill us here." 

seungjun peered over at the overview of the board walk. it had gotten pretty late so the dark view was nice. "it's so pretty up here." 

hyojin looked out to the view and nodded. "i know right? it's like... i could fly." 

seungjun lightly chuckled. "yeah, me too." 

hyojin scoffed. "you probably think i'm a nerd for saying stuff like that, don't you?" 

seungjun arched his eyebrows. "of course not!" 

hyojin laughed. "i'm glad to hear that. i catch myself saying weird things like that, but i promise i'm not actually that weird." 

"i mean, i never thought you were weird." the blonde didn't know why he was so concerned about it. 

"anyways." the elder started. "we should probably get going after this. i'd love to hang out with you more, but i'm pretty tired if i'm honest." 

seungjun agreed. "me too. but hey, you have my number. text me whenever you can, okay?" 

hyojin smiled and nodded. "okay." 

\- 

"it's been ages since you've last answered your phone." 

seungjun laughed as he heard minseok's voice on the other end. "sorry kid. i've been busy with homework. i'm in my second year of college for fuck's sake." 

"i'm gonna tell mom you swore." 

"don't you dare." seungjun threatened as he continued to drive himself back to his dorm. "i also cracked my phone screen so it was hard for me to use it all day." 

"you're such a klutz." 

"we've established that, but thanks." 

"anyways." minseok started. "there had been something i wanted to talk to you about." 

"yeah, what's up?" 

the dark brunette ruffled his hair. "well, i've been thinking about it a lot lately. there's this guy i've been seeing in my class that... i think i may have a crush on?" 

seungjun's eyes widen. he nearly crashed his car. "wait, really?" 

"y-yeah... don't tell mom or dad though. they'll freak out." 

"of course i won't tell them. so tell me about this dude you like." seungjun was eager to hear more about who his little brother was admiring. 

minseok let out a breath through his nose. "his name is hongjoong. he's really sweet to me, and he helps me with a lot of things. not to mention, he's really pretty." 

seungjun smiled. "he's a keeper." 

"yeah but like... i'm not even sure if i like like him, you know? because i never thought about who i am fully attracted to." 

"well, you should give it some time. text me if you find out more about it. you know i'll support you no matter what." 

"yeah, i know you will. i'm just praying our parents don't hear me having this conversation." 

"we have thick walls. you'll be fine." 

the two stay silent for a second, with minseok just watching seungjun drive himself to his dorms. 

"anyways, i have to head out. text me if you need anything, okay?" seungjun said. 

"okay." 

"i love you, bud." 

"love you too." 

seungjun hangs up the phone and parks in his usual spot. the time read 9:48 pm. just as he shuts off his car, a text came in for him. 

changyoon  
meet me on the football field 

seungjun sighed. what else did changyoon have in store for him? was he willing to hear out seungjun? or was seungjun going to become mentally and physically destroyed once again? 

not wanting to start any trouble, he followed his orders. he walked out to the football field and saw changyoon sitting at the corner under the trees. seungjun was hesitant on joining him, but it's not like he was about to turn around. 

"changyoon?" he called out when approaching him. 

changyoon looked up at seungjun, then back down. he scooted over slightly, implying that he wanted the younger to sit by him. seungjun obliged. 

"we need to talk about what happened last night." changyoon started, still looking away from seungjun. 

seungjun looked into the distance, not feeling like recalling the event that took place last night. "okay." 

changyoon finally looked over at him. "if word gets back to anyone about what happened, you'll be suffering far worse consequences than what you experienced last night." 

seungjun tilted his head back onto the wall behind him. he felt himself blinking away tears that came up. he slowly turned his head to face the brunette. "can i just ask... why did you do that to me?" 

changyoon nearly chuckled. "haven't you noticed by now? i'm not keeping you in my life because you mean anything special to me. i'm keeping you in my life to let people know i'm hooking up with you. i want them to know that i'm hooking up with the rich yet depressed kid with no friends except for me. i want them to know exactly how you feel and s-" 

"enough." 

changyoon's eyebrows knitted together. "what did you just say?" 

"i said enough. i'm sick of you wanting to drag down my confidence. i'm sick of you trying to make a fool out of me. i don't know what about that you find entertaining. you're just toying with people's emotions at that point." 

changyoon grabbed at seungjun's arm and pulled him closer to his side. "you better shut that pretty mouth of yours now. or i'll do something you won't l-" 

"do it." seungjun demanded. 

changyoon tilted his head. "what?" 

"listen. no matter what happens, i'll still have feelings for you either way. i've grown so fond of you since the first time we've met. i wouldn't do anything to hurt you. i want to make you happy. so please, do whatever you need to do to me to release your anger. even if i like it or not, i won't tell anyone." 

changyoon stood on his knees and grabbed a fistful of seungjun's hair. "baby, you just made things a whole lot easier."


	8. eight

it was a poor choice going into work the next day. 

seungjun usually came in with a bright attitude, a polite personality, and a charming appearance, but the lack of sleep has been resulting in quite the opposite. it took everything he could to keep his eyes open while working. 

"you look burned out." one of his fellow workers, yunho, commented. "you okay?" 

seungjun tried to reassure him with a smile. "yeah, i'm great. it's okay." 

yunho sighed. "you should go home." 

"i've already called in for the first time earlier this week. i'd rather not do it again." 

"your health is more important. i could close for you today if you'd like." 

seungjun refuses. "no yunho. really, i'll be okay. don't you worry. and don't tell owner, please." 

yunho eventually agrees. "okay. if you insist." 

\- 

seungjun was able to manage working a good amount of hours. him running around a whole bunch probably woke him up a little bit. 

yunho had gotten off at 9:30, so now it had only been seungjun keeping the customers satisfied. every now and then, he'd itch at his arms, where the material he was wearing irritated the scars and bruises he received from yesterday. or sometime this week. seungjun couldn't keep track. 

"is that everything for you all today?" seungjun had been taking a family's order. 

"yes, thank you." 

he smiled at them. "i'll be right back with your drinks." 

seungjun whipped around and began to watch towards the kitchen. suddenly, like really suddenly, his head went light and his legs started to shake. his vision began to go black. before he knew it, seungjun's body fell to the ground. 

\- 

he's been diagnosed with insomnia. 

insomnia? he hasn't had anything like it before. 

so this has never happened with you before? when was the last time you saw him? 

about a month ago. 

it probably has to do with recent trauma then. 

recent trauma? what happened with him that could've been possibly traumatic? 

you'll have to ask him when he wakes up. 

thank you. 

i'll leave you all alone now. he should be waking up soon. 

seungjun groaned as he opened his eyes. the room he was in was so bright that it nearly made him want to faint again. he looked over to his side where he saw his mom, dad, and minseok. 

"oh seungjun, thank heavens you're okay." his mom said as she stood up and leaned over to hug him. 

seungjun rubbed his eyes. "w-what are you all doing here?" 

"we got a call saying that you fainted while you were working. we came as soon as we could." 

seungjun looked at the clock in the distance. it was nearing 1 am. he looked over at minseok. "you should've stayed home, buddy. it's a school night." 

minseok scoffs. "you really think i'd rather be sleeping, thinking about what danger you've gotten into than come here to see if you were okay? i had to convince them that i'd be coming too." he says, motioning towards his mom and dad. 

seungjun sighs. he looks back at his mom, who had been caressing his face. "sorry i made you guys worry so late. but i'll be okay." 

"it's fine honey." she said. "i just wanna ask you one thing." 

seungjun hummed. 

"according to the doctors, you got insomnia. did something happen to you that made you not sleep for so long?" 

minseok looked uneasy about his mother asking him that question. then again, he was curious too. seungjun opened his mouth then closed it. "i... i was stressed about homework. i had to stay up to do it everyday this week." 

his mother tilted her head. "are you sure? i'm glad you're keeping up with school but you really need to manage your health too." 

seungjun nodded. "yes, that's what had been going on. i'm sorry. i promise i'll try and sleep more and worry less about schoolwork." there's no way in hell was he going to talk about changyoon in front of any of them. 

his father gathered his thoughts. "i mean, it sounds like he's been getting days worth of homework. should we contact his school?" 

seungjun eagerly shook his head. "no. it's okay. they give a fine amount. it's my fault for not working on any of it during the day." 

minseok noticed the cuts and bruises on his brother's arms. he knew for a fact he was lying, but decided not to bring it up. 

his mother sighed. "okay honey. just don't g-" 

suddenly, the door swings open and in rushes someone seungjun didn't expect to see. hyojin. 

hyojin sighed of relief. "i came as soon as i was called." he went and sat on the opposite side of the bed, away from his family. 

"who are you?" seungjun's father asked. 

"he's my friend, don't worry." seungjun said. he looked over at hyojin and gave him a half smile to let him know he was happy to see him. but he was confused as to why he showed up so late in the night. "what are you doing here?" 

"i had gotten off of work a few hours ago. i got a call from someone from your phone, saying that i was the first contact they saw and that you were in the hospital. it took me a while to get here because my car had trouble starting." 

his father scoffed. "what's a lowlife like you doing trying to befriend my son?" 

"don't say that, dad." seungjun's voice raised slightly. hyojin hid his face from seungjun's family. seungjun grabbed hyojin's hand from beside the bed to reassure him. 

hyojin sighed, trying to ignore seungjun's father's words. "so what happened?" 

"i fainted at work. the doctors told me it was insomnia." seungjun explained. 

"jeez. if i had know you had been dealing with that, i would've taken you home that day we hung out."  
seungjun shook his head. "no. i really wanted to hang out with you." 

"seungjun." his mother started. seungjun turned to face his mom, still holding onto hyojin's hand. "if you're friends are distracting you from your schoolwork, you should cut them out." 

"they're not, mom." seungjun said, with anger starting to build in his voice. hyojin lightly squeezed seungjun's hand. 

the room went silent. hyojin still had his head down, trying to only focus on seungjun. minseok detected that his brother and hyojin wanted to be alone. he tapped his father's shoulder. 

"let's go. they probably want time to themselves. we can come back tomorrow." minseok said. 

his mother sighed, glaring at minseok. eventually the three of them stood up, with seungjun's mom planting a kiss on her son's head. "we all want the best for you. we'll see you tomorrow, okay?" 

seungjun nodded, not saying anything. 

his mother and father turned away, exiting the room. minseok still stood at the door. "seungjun's grateful to have you. don't listen to what they're saying." 

hyojin's ears perked when he heard minseok talking to him. when he saw him look over, minseok smiled at him. "you two be careful. i'll text you in the morning, okay?" he said, directing his attention towards seungjun. 

he nodded. "i love you bud. stay safe." 

"i love you too." minseok closed the door behind him as he exited. 

"he's nice to me at least." hyojin said. 

seungjun nodded. "my brother's nice to everyone. my parents are rich and spoiled and 'want the best for me'. i thought they were better than that. i'm sorry they treated you that way." 

hyojin smiled down at seungjun. "it's okay. in a way, they're right. i'm not exac-" 

"they're not, hyojin." seungjun interfered. "nothing they said to you was right. you're not a lowlife and you haven't been a burden to me at all." 

hyojin felt his eyes go big. seungjun looks at him and scoffs. "is it really that shocking that i want to keep you in my life?" 

"i-i...." hyojin breaks eye contact. "i've never felt wanted before. this is all sorta new to me." 

"who doesn't want you?" seungjun asks, seriously. "you're a fun person to be around and you're really sweet. plus, you're very pre-" 

seungjun stops when he sees hyojin wipe his sleeve under his eye. he instantly regrets what he said. "i-i'm sorry..." 

hyojin shakes his head, smiling at him again. "no, it's not your fault. i was just a little overwhelmed." 

seungjun felt bad. he can tell that hyojin doesn't exactly get all of the affection he deserves. or maybe he's gone through people telling him he wasn't worth it. he places his other hand on hyojin's and rubs it. hyojin felt like bawling his eyes out on the spot. something as small as seungjun's hands rubbing his felt like the indescribable love he's never received in his life. 

before he could think about his dramatic past any further, he notices seungjun's arms covered in scars. hyojin takes ahold of one of his arms and looks closer at it. seungjun retreats his arm quickly. 

"have you been hurting yourself?" hyojin asks. 

seungjun shakes his head. 

"has someone been hurting you?" 

seungjun hesitates slightly before shaking his head. 

"don't lie. who is it?" 

seungjun shakes his head. "it's no one. i hurt my arms badly when i fainted." 

"unless you fell into a pit of spikes, no one has that many scars and bruises from fainting." 

seungjun avoids making eye contact with hyojin. he could tell he really wanted to help him but was in fear of how changyoon would repay him if it was reported to anyone. in the nick of time, however, the nurse walks in. 

"sorry, it's getting late. you have to leave." 

hyojin sighs, blinking at seungjun. without saying anything, he stands up and walks out. seungjun watches him as he leaves without a word. the nurse turns off his light and closes the door. 

for about five minutes, seungjun goes blank. he was now in a pitch black room with no one there to support him. eventually, he starts to choke out a sob. he shuts his eyes tightly, feeling the tears squeeze out of them. he covers his mouth to prevent himself from making any noise. he begins to feel himself ugly cry. 

changyoon's secret was safe with him. he didn't want anything bad to happen to him, so all he had to do was not tell anyone. including people who could potentially save him from the abuse. however, he was terrified for the future he had created with hyojin. he didn't want him to think he was a liar and untrustworthy. 

for the first time in over a week, he managed to fall asleep on his own after crying for god knows how long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik ugly crying could never be in seungjun's vocabulary but i didn't know how else to describe it oopsss


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of self harm

me  
hey, i'm sorry. it's just really hard. 

seungjun watched the text he sent to hyojin as it floated on his screen. he was really hoping he would understand why he couldn't share his full story with him. 

he set down his phone, gazing at the morning light bursting through his hospital room window. he was glad to get discharged later today so he wouldn't have to smell that awful hospital smell any further. 

seungjun hears a click at the door and in comes a nurse. she smiles at him. "good morning seungjun. i hope you rested well. our staff will serve you breakfast, and shortly after i'm gonna be asking you some questions. does that sound okay?" 

seungjun swallowed. nonetheless, he agreed. 

"alright, your food will come shortly. i'll be back in an hour." 

once his breakfast was served, he stabbed at his food with his fork. he took minor bites of his food because the way he had been feeling for the past 24 hours made him lose his appetite. even with a few bites, he already felt stuffed. seungjun was terrified of what questions were to come. he was talking to a healthcare professional, how was he going to lie through his teeth so easily? 

seungjun's phone buzzed. he felt hopeful that it'd be hyojin forgiving him. instead, it was his brother. 

me  
sorry but we won't be able to make it back today in time :( i hope you've been feeling better 

seungjun let out air through his nose as he typed back. 

me  
don't worry about it, kiddo. and i'm feeling a lot better. thank you for checking in <3 

he was still feeling horrible. not just physically, but a lot more mentally. he was trying to come up with good lies he could tell to the nurse so he wouldn't cause any trouble with changyoon. 

in the nick of time, the same nurse from earlier returned. she smiled at seungjun, but he just stared at her blankly. 

"hello again seungjun." she greets as she pulls out a chair and sits close to him. "before we let you go today, i would just like to ask you a couple things." 

seungjun nodded, his hands starting to sweat. 

"as you might've heard from your mother, you were diagnosed with insomnia. do you know what exactly might've caused it?" 

seungjun sighed. "i had been staying up countless nights finishing up schoolwork." 

the nurse nods. "okay. that is fairly common for those in school who catch it. i've noticed that while you were sleeping, i saw some cuts and bruises on your limbs. they look fresh too. where are those coming from?" 

seungjun breaks eye contact, staring emotionlessly down at his bed. "i... i've been so overwhelmed lately. i felt that the only way i could handle it was to take out that stress on myself." 

"mmh," the nurse hums. "as much as you thinks it helps, it's super ineffective. once you start doing it, you'll only want to do it more. i ask of you to let those scars and bruises heal. i know it's hard, but there's plenty of alternatives to release stress. if you want to seek professional mental help, i can hook you up with one of our therapists here." 

seungjun shakes his head, smiling at the nurse. "no need. i'll start working on it. it's been a bad habit for me but i'll find a way to reduce it." 

"when did you start harming yourself?" 

"i think... two weeks ago? or just over a week ago." 

"you're just starting off, so hopefully quitting will be easier. i'll send you back with your prescribed insomnia medication and some of our destressing medicine. hopefully those both help you. if neither help within a week, give us a call." 

seungjun watches as she slides out of her chair and places it back where it was before. "alright seungjun, you're free to leave whenever you'd like. be sure to pick up your medicine at the front desk before you go. make sure you get plenty of rest once you return home." 

seungjun nodded, thanking her as she left him alone. he picked up his phone and unlocked it, seeing that he recieved a text back from hyojin. 

hyojin  
it's fine. i'm sorry for acting the way i did. it was late and i was just worried sick. we can talk about it whenever you're ready. do you need to be picked up from the hospital later? 

seungjun began to punch in his keyboard. 

me  
it's okay. and i actually just finished up, would now work okay for you? 

hyojin  
yeah, i'll try and be there asap 

me  
you're a life saver. thank you so much 

hyojin  
np, see you soon 

seungjun set his phone down, now staring into the abyss. his life was so neat and normal a few weeks ago. how could it have changed so quickly? he knew making friends was a bad idea. his mother told him from the very beginning to focus on his studies and nothing else. 

truthfully, seungjun was still keeping up on homework and studying constantly. but all of these side problems he was having had school turning away from his main priority. 

the blonde ruffled his hair in anger. "why did it have to be me...?" 

\- 

"thank you so much again." seungjun thanked as he slid in the passenger seat next to hyojin. 

hyojin nodded. "of course. are you feeling any better?" 

"yeah. i just need to catch some rest once i get back. i felt guilty for not making it to class today, i always show up to class." 

"you need time for yourself. your health always come first. plus, it's just one day." hyojin said. "i worry about you being so focused on this perfect school kid." 

"yeah, you can thank my parents for that one. they'll freak out once they hear i didn't show up to a lecture." 

"even if you're in the fucking hospital?!" 

seungjun flinches. he hasn't heard hyojin cuss before. "w-well, maybe except for that. hopefully except for that." 

hyojin stretches his neck. "i just worry about what your family expects out of you. you can only do so much to impress your family. apparently in my case, i could never impress mine." 

seungjun looked down at his feet. "i'm sorry to hear that." 

"it's not your fault. it's in the past now, anyways." hyojin said, making a turn onto a street. 

the two were silent for a second, until hyojin broke that silence. "oh yeah, your friend came in during my shift last night. minkyun. he's a really nice dude. he cares a lot about you too it seems." 

seungjun was relieved to hear it was minkyun. he hasn't talked to him in a little while. "how's he doing?" 

"as far as i can tell, he was good. he tipped me yesterday too. you both seem to be so obsessed with giving me large tips." 

seungjun chuckled. "that job looks like a pain in the ass, so it's the least we can do for you." 

hyojin nods. "sometimes, it's not even the job that's the problem. my coworkers... oh man." 

"what's wrong with your coworkers?" 

"they're just assholes to me for no reason whatsoever. well, a partial reason maybe. i tend to forget things super easily and i've gotten a few orders wrong. they get on my ass constantly about it, even once i fix it. one of them, yuto, leaves his shifts early purposely for me to close and clean everything up for him." 

seungjun clicks his tongue. "i'm sorry. you don't deserve to be treated that way." 

"honestly, at this point in my life, i don't expect a whole lot of respect from other people. it's a miracle to me that you and minkyun came to be." 

seungjun sighs, not liking what he's hearing. before he could say something, hyojin quickly changes the topic. "i'm already pretty late to class, so i'll have minkyun walk you back to your room." he said as he parked the car and fished out his phone to text minkyun. 

seungjun shook his head. "if you had class, you shouldn't have come to pick me up." 

hyojin looked over at seungjun and set his phone down. "i constantly miss class anyway. but i'm assuming you didn't want to be stuck there forever." 

the younger ruffles his hair. "i'll tell you what. if you stop sacrificing your schedule for me, i won't continue to only worry about class. deal?" 

hyojin furrows his eyebrows. "but y-" 

"it doesn't matter. make the deal with me." 

the older sighed before linking his pinky to seungjun's. "deal." 

seungjun smiled as he pulled his hand away. he gets startled when he hears a few taps at his window. he turns to see minkyun waving at him. he had forgotten about that. "i could've just walked myself in." he said to hyojin as he opened his door. 

"you were limping as you were coming to the car, so no, you wouldn't have. text me when you wake up, okay?" 

seungjun agreed as he closed the car door. 

"you doing okay?" minkyun asked as he grabbed ahold of seungjun's arm. 

seungjun nodded. "i'm fine, just exhausted." 

minkyun tried to keep seungjun stabilized. "hyojin told me what happened. you definitely need to get more sleep." 

"yeah, i know. why aren't you in class?" 

"well, hyojin texted me to come out here. so i just asked my professor if i could go to the bathroom." 

seungjun tsked. "classic." 

eventually, minkyun led him to his room and seungjun was able to catch a decent amount of sleep.


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: changyoon, slight r*pe action

"even after everything i've caused you... why do you still love me?" 

seungjun grabbed onto his boyfriend's collar as he scooted into his lap in the backseat of his car. the younger huffed. "because you're special to me." 

changyoon gripped onto the back of seungjun's neck, connecting their foreheads. "i'm special to you? even if i cause harm to you, i'm still special?" 

seungjun nodded, sniffling. "i keep coming back to you because i want you to be happy. whatever it is you have to do, do it. i want to be your punching bag." 

"you're not even gonna think about your well being?" changyoon asked, wiping a tear off of the younger's face. 

"my well being is now dead because of you. there's nothing you can do to make me feel more broken anymore. have you seen me during our lectures? i'm dead, changyoon. now you brought me here for one reason. do it." 

before he knows it, seungjun is pinned down to the seats of the car, with changyoon strattling him. he unbuttons seungjun's jeans and slides them down. changyoon palms through seungjun's underwear as seungjun's head is already tossed back. his free hand slides up the younger's torso to his nipple, lightly pinching at it. 

changyoon leans down next to his boyfriend's ear. "if anyone finds us here, what do you do?" 

seungjun brings his hands to the back of the elder's head. "i'll tell them we both agreed to this." he says, shakily. 

\- 

seungjun returns to his dorm room, seeing his roommate, jaeyoung, still awake and hitting a joint. the time was 12:38 am. 

"do you have an extra one of those?" seungjun asks as he sat on his bed across from him. 

jaeyoung's eyebrows went up. "thought you were gonna come bitch to me again, but i thought you'd never ask." he passes seungjun an extra joint and lights it for him. 

seungjun's never gotten high before, but he thinks it's what he needs after surviving that nightmare of a "date", as changyoon still calls it. he inhales it shortly before blowing it out into the room. "i need it tonight, so i'll let you off the hook just this once." 

jaeyoung lays on his side, facing his roommate. "hey, i like you. maybe you should come to the party happening next week." 

seungjun takes his second hit before responding. "thank you, but i don't do parties." 

jaeyoung tsked. "well you look like you need some distraction in your life. have you even been to a party before? they're a whole lot of fun." 

seungjun shrugs as he takes his third hit. he starts to feel his mouth go dry. "parties only consist of alcohol, drugs, and big booty bitches." 

"right. you're technically using a drug right now though." 

"touché." 

"so? yay or nay? i can even drive you there if you'd like." 

seungjun blows out more smoke. "fine. but it'll have to be a day i'm off work though." 

"psh, fuck work. work is stress inducing. parties are the complete opposite. just call in sick or something. seriously, it'll be fun." 

seungjun feels himself grow lightheaded and tired. he didn't even need to take his insomnia medication tonight. "sure, okay..." 

jaeyoung smiles. he takes a hit then blows the smoke in seungjun's direction. "that's my boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's kinda short :(


	11. eleven

during his lectures the following day, seungjun couldn't stop shaking. no matter how much he rubbed his eyes, they still went dry each time he opened them. he wanted more of what jaeyoung gave him last night. 

he shot up his hand and asked his teacher if he could use the restroom. his professor agreed and seungjun practically sprinted upward. he ignored the feeling of changyoon's eyes on him. 

seungjun went outside of the school and walked all the way down to where the corner was. he heard booming loud music on his way so he knew he was on the right path. seungjun made a turn and found jaeyoung with a few other friends. 

jaeyoung smiled at him. "back for more, huh?" he lended seungjun a joint and lit it for him again. 

seungjun took a quick hit. "thank you. i don't know what came over me but i really needed it." 

jaeyoung nodded. "withdrawal is what went over you. the only way you can cure it is getting more." 

seungjun blew out the smoke of his second hit. "glad i found you quickly then." 

"holy shit," one of jaeyoung's friends, san, started. "you're the rich kid who's banging changyoon, right?" 

"wait, that's him?" another friend, hyunjin, asked. 

seungjun didn't want to talk about his rich life nor his sex life with people he hardly knew. jaeyoung elbowed san. "leave him be. he just wants to get high with us." 

"honestly though... how is changyoon in bed?" 

seungjun took a few more hits to avoid answering the question. jaeyoung elbowed san for the second time, but harder. "god, will you shut the fuck up?" 

"jesus, i was just asking..." 

"well frankly," seungjun started. "someone's sex life shouldn't be any of your business." 

"amen." jaeyoung said. "i sense that san is just deprived of dick right now." 

"he literally just saw wooyoung yesterday, too." hyunjin added. 

san smacked hyunjin's arm. "knock it off. that's still a long time." 

seungjun chuckled. now these were his type of people. 

"hey, i think you're somewhat decent, even if we met a few seconds ago." san said, directing his attention towards seungjun. "wanna come to my party next week?" 

"i asked him that last night you doofus." jaeyoung said. "he said he would come." 

"well how was i supposed to know that?!" san raised his voice at his friend. jaeyoung just laughed. "anyways. i hope to see you then." 

"what do you think you're doing?!" 

everyone's heads shot to the right as a new face came to be. lo and behold, it was seungjun's boyfriend. "professor told me to go look for you because you were taking too long. why did i find you here with these crack addicts?!" 

"hey, it's not even crack!" hyunjin yelled. 

changyoon ignored him and got inches close to seungjun, resting his hand on the wall behind him. without thinking about it, seungjun blew smoke into changyoon's face. changyoon retreated, coughing harshly. 

"there's other fun i can have besides with you, you know." seungjun said before taking another drag. 

san laughed. "i love this guy. maybe he's not such a wimp after all." hyunjin elbowed him in response, cursing at him. 

changyoon smirked. "so that's what you wanna do now? how about i tell your 'friends' over here that i-" 

"you literally told the entire school." jaeyoung interrupted. "we know you fucked him twelve times in the janitor's closet. it's nothing special. get over it." 

despite being as high as the sky right now, seungjun still felt hurt about changyoon telling the whole campus that they had been having sex constantly. but it could've been worse. he could've been telling them that most of time, it hadn't even been consensual. 

changyoon sighed, growing annoyed with jaeyoung. "i don't like your attitude. wait until your parents find out about you skipping class and getting high everyday." 

jaeyoung removed the joint from his lips shortly before blowing out the smoke. "jokes on you. my parents died before i moved here." 

everyone went dead silent. san and hyunjin weren't even aware of jaeyoung's family life. changyoon looked down at his feet. 

"is that what you wanted to fucking hear?! why do you think i'm high constantly!? to fucking destress from everything!" jaeyoung began to yell in changyoon's face. 

changyoon backed farther and farther away from jaeyoung. he looked to the side to see that seungjun wasn't doing anything about the situation. changyoon glared at jaeyoung and his friends shortly before grabbing ahold of his boyfriend's arm and dragging him out from their hideout. "we'll be on our way now." he growled. 

seungjun stumbled as he was following changyoon. changyoon ripped the joint out of the younger's hand and tossed it on the ground, shortly before crushing it with his foot. they appear back in front of the school entrance doors. 

"are you fucking serious? why were you there with them?!" changyoon scolded. 

seungjun rubbed his forehead, not wanting to have an argument with changyoon this early in the day. "i was feeling stressed out. i needed him to hook me up with some weed. it made me feel better." 

"that'll damage your repertoire for sure. if you're trying to prove to me that you have more friends than i think you have, i'm not impressed. i've told you millions of times, no one actually wants to take the time to befriend the rich sad kid you are." 

seungjun looks back up at him. "i promise you, i had nothing to prove. they're not my friends. they're just my access to free medication." 

changyoon chuckled with no humor. "you can kiss that master's degree goodbye then once professor hears about this." 

"what's with your obsession with trying to ruin people's lives changyoon? don't you think that says anything about you as a person?" 

changyoon caresses seungjun's chin. "you're literally dating me. you already know how fucked up in the head i am." 

he sighs as he removes his hand from seungjun. he swings open the door and holds it for his boyfriend to follow him. "go wash up in the bathroom and come back to class. i'll be telling professor you're coming back so you better listen to me." 

seungjun rests his hand on changyoon's shoulder. the elder turns around, facing his attention towards him. 

"please don't tell professor or any of the staff where i was. if you do..." seungjun paused, debating if he should spit the next part. "you're secret won't stay safe with me anymore." 

he prepares for a slap in the face by his boyfriend, but was never recieved. instead, he slides seungjun's hand off of his shoulder. "deal. i'll see you in class."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh sorry i haven't been updating as much :(


	12. twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: rape mention, smut

hyojin  
hey 

me  
hi 

hyojin  
got work tonight? 

me  
no thank god 

hyojin  
good. i'm picking you up after your classes today 

me  
oh, okay. where are we going? 

hyojin  
my place. i'd like to talk to you about something privately 

me  
okay, see you then 

seungjun set down his phone as he pondered at his desk. talk about something privately? if he was honest, he was nervous sick about what hyojin wanted to talk about. he was hoping it was something that he'd actually be willing to share. 

\- 

spoiler alert, it wasn't. 

"i just need you to be as honest with me as possible." hyojin said, holding on tight to seungjun's hand as they sat on the elder's bed. 

seungjun was fond of hyojin's apartment. it obviously wasn't the greatest house he'd ever seen but he felt like he was in the middle classed lifestyle he never recieved when he was younger. he liked it. 

"earlier, minkyun overheard a conversation you had with someone. specifically, something about you keeping a secret." hyojin said, looking up at seungjun with his doe eyes. he could tell the younger was wildly nervous hearing those news, so he worded it in the least stressful way he possibly could. "can... you tell me what that secret is?" 

seungjun looked down, avoiding eye contact with the other. he knew he wasn't going to leave without having told hyojin what was going on, but he refused to tell straight away. hyojin had to earn more of his trust. "no. i can't." 

hyojin sighed, rubbing down on seungjun's damaged arm. he thought that the scars on his arm had something to do with the secret he was storing away. he feels a tear fall from his face onto his lap, but makes sure the younger doesn't see. 

it's killing seungjun that he can't tell hyojin what was going on. he knew how badly hyojin wanted to help, but changyoon's threats continued to haunt him. 

seungjun's right arm is lifted and a pair of lips are pressed onto one of his scars. he darts his head in confusion to see that hyojin had kissed one of his scars. 

"s-sorry if that startled you..." hyojin said quietly as he set down seungjun's arm quickly. 

"no," seungjun lifted the same arm back up. "do it again." 

hyojin's eyebrows are furrowed but follows what he says. he leans down and pecks his arm again. 

"w-... why didn't that hurt?" seungjun asks, genuinely confused. 

"um," hyojin doesn't quite understand what he's getting at. "probably because this scar doesn't hurt as much as before...?" 

"that's not what i meant.... the kiss. why didn't that hurt?" 

hyojin comes to realize why seungjun's so confused and feels his heart shatter. this was the person he was talking about. "kisses aren't supposed to hurt..." he says while trying his best to not break his voice. 

"th-.... they're not?" seungjun asks himself quietly. 

hyojin starts to lose it. he brings his hands up to his face and begins to sob into them. seungjun becomes even more confused as to why his friend was crying. but either way, still feels sympathetic. "w-what's the matter...? did i-" 

hyojin turns his wet face from his hands and instantly leans it into seungjun's. seungjun's eyes widen at the feeling of hyojin's lips. he's only ever kissed changyoon before this, but both feelings felt so different from one another. hyojin's felt.... real. 

hyojin pulls away, still sniffling. "that didn't hurt... did it?" 

seungjun touches his lips, still feeling hazy from the feeling, but not numb like changyoon's. he shook his head. "n-no... i was told by my first kiss that they did." 

hyojin feels a burning rage from his soul. he shakes his head as he wipes away his tears. seungjun still didn't understand why hyojin was angry and sad. "they don't hurt. they're supposed to feel nice and sweet. they're supposed to feel special." 

special. seungjun nearly flinched at hearing that word. all this time, he thought his first kiss with changyoon was special. it was why he was still so in love with changyoon after all this time. so he was lying to him...? 

seungjun moves his hands down to the buttons of his jeans and starts to unbutton them quickly. hyojin catches on but stops seungjun's hands from doing anything else. "woah woah woah, what are you doing?!" 

seungjun swallows. "i'm sorry... i just want to know if it's the same for...." 

hyojin was so frustrated with the situation that he wanted to scream. but for the sake of not breaking down for the second time in front of seungjun, he tries to stay calm and collected. he nods, keeping his hands placed over the younger's. "i-it hurts a little the very first time, but shouldn't as much every other time...." 

seungjun swallowed. "the pain each time was the reason i couldn't sleep at night." 

hyojin swallows the large lump in his throat. more tears come streaming down each time he blinks. it all made sense now. he chokes out another sob. "seungjun... please. when did this all start?" 

"i appreciate you wanting to help..." seungjun starts. "but i don't want to worry about that right now. c-can you show me how it's supposed to feel....?" 

hyojin mentally prepares himself, but agrees. he wanted to do everything he could to wash away seungjun's traumatizing memories. he begins to remove his clothes to help seungjun show what he should be feeling instead. he closes the curtains next to his bed. 

once they're both stripped down, hyojin rests seungjun's head against his pillow. he pushes the younger's hair out of his face. "are you ready?" 

seungjun nods as he hums. hyojin aligns himself and starts to slowly insert himself into seungjun. seungjun's back arches as he grabs fistfuls of the sheets under him. hyojin retreats and pushes himself in again, beginning to repeat the action over and over. 

little moans make their way out of seungjun's mouth, with his eyes half open in the process. he loves the feeling so much, he wanted more of it. hyojin's pace was much more softer and sweeter than changyoon's. not to mention, actually pleasurable. 

"f-fuck... that feels so good..." seungjun cries out softly. 

both of their heavy breaths filled the room as hyojin began to thrust faster. he used little of the few sex experiences he had with his ex boyfriend to take control of the session. seungjun continues to moan out softly as he bites his bottom lip. 

"i-i feel something weird..." seungjun squeezes his eyes shut as a strange feeling began to boil in his stomach. "don't stop..." 

hyojin goes as fast as he can now, determined to make seungjun feel good. seungjun's mouth couldn't stay closed at the immense amount of pleasure he was feeling. suddenly, the burning in his stomach disappears as he feels himself leak from his shaft. 

hyojin pulls out so he can do the same. the two were left catching their breaths with sweat stained faces. seungjun was not familiar with what just happened. "w-what did i just do...? did i ruin your bedsheets?" 

the elder slightly chuckled in the midst of regaining his breath. "no, you didn't. it's a sign that what you just did was enjoyable." 

seungjun's mind was filled with lust. the feeling he experienced felt so unreal. this one session he had with hyojin could easily cancel out the hundreds of sessions he's had with changyoon. he takes note of something else. nothing was hurting. in fact, for the first time ever, he was eager to do it again. 

"how do you feel?" hyojin asked, rubbing the younger's thigh. 

seungjun looked at him with a sparkle in his eye. "that was incredible." 

hyojin smiled. he helped sit seungjun up from the bed and gave him another soft kiss to his lips. seungjun felt his stomach do a million backflips. there was a spark of feelings beginning to form towards hyojin and felt it dying down for changyoon. he came to realize that it was hyojin who had taught him everything, not changyoon. 

seungjun pulls away from the kiss, seeing a trail of saliva connecting their lips. he bit at his lip as he looked down at the ground in front of him. hyojin puts his hand on his shoulder. 

"let's get dressed before we talk again, okay?" 

seungjun faces him and nods. the two both stand up to redress themselves. hyojin removes his bedsheets from his bed and sets them in his hamper. now he finally has an excuse to wash his bedsheets. 

they both sit on the bed again. seungjun isn't hurt anywhere in the slightest, even when he feels it should've been hard to sit down. hyojin scoots closer to the other and rests seungjun's head on his shoulder. seungjun wraps his arms around the brunette's torso. 

hyojin starts to play with the younger's hair. "are you okay?" 

seungjun nods, but sighs. he can't seem to sort out his feelings and emotions properly. 

"so... when did this all start?" 

"i think... about two weeks ago." seungjun felt risky beginning to tell hyojin everything that had been going on, but after hyojin proving his trust, seungjun felt he could care less about changyoon in this instant. he was still in a daze after everything that just happened. 

"what went on then?" 

"it was in his car. for the first time, i was kissed and touched by someone. it was aching badly but he told me that it was supposed to feel that way. i had believed him. if their wasn't a time where i wanted to do it with him, he'd beat me until i gave in. he was awful for me, but i kept on coming back to him because i thought he was the special one for me. i didn't even know if there was any love behind the countless number of sessions we had..." 

"how often were they consensual?" 

seungjun heaved in a breath before answering. "most of the time they were, they'd still hurt afterwards, though. sometimes he'd just force me into it. especially if he saw me with someone else. he would've done it today if it wasn't for you picking me up. he's probably breaking my phone with the amount of texts, right now." 

hyojin sighed, wrapping his arms around seungjun. "i wish i had the amount of words to describe how sorry i am for you right now. he took advantage of you and you didn't know what you were getting yourself into. i really wish i knew sooner..." hyojin said, his voice breaking yet again. "so he was the reason you had been in the hospital...?" 

seungjun nodded. 

"so even your family doesn't know... you lied to them." 

"they would transfer me out if i told them the truth. i wanted to stay at the university i was at. you're the first person i told this story to." 

hyojin presses a kiss to the top of seungjun's head. "they do actually want what's best for you. it would've been better if you told them, but i understand." hyojin grabs onto seungjun's hand and sighs. "i'll make sure you'll never come into contact with him again. who is he?" 

here he goes. the moment of truth. "my ex boyfriend, lee changyoon."


	13. thirteen

that following night, seungjun worked a closing shift. for the first time in a couple weeks, he felt like himself again. his scars and bruises begin to fade and he got a good amount of sleep last night. he wanted to say he was back to normal, but he was still taking time to adapt back to his working life. 

he collected almost four hundred dollars worth of tips. seungjun wanted to drop half of it off to his owner, but his owner got off before his shift started. he figured he'd give it to hyojin instead, who he planned to see after both of their shifts were over. 

it was a late date for a school night, but they both wanted as much time as possible together so they could establish each other's feelings. if he was being honest, seungjun was a little nervous. he was scared that hyojin didn't actually like him that way and he only kissed and touched him just to prove something. he was nice for doing so, but seungjun had no idea for a fact that he felt a certain way for him in return. 

he locked up the restaurant and made it out to his car. he drove down to the diner where he'd wait about half an hour for hyojin to get off. 

after having a nice driving session with the heat blowing and the classical music echoing in the car, seungjun made it to the parking lot of the diner. he rolled his neck to decrease any stress he had in his head. his phone began to buzz and saw that it had been his brother. 

seungjun was pretty excited to talk to minseok after a little while. he wanted to see how things were since they last saw each other. adding to the fact that seungjun hasn't given a proper update on how's he been since the hospital. 

"hey bud, what's up?" 

"seungjun, have you been feeling better?" 

he nodded. "yup. i've been taking my medication and i've been focused less on schoolwork." that was a total lie. he hasn't taken a single milligram of his medication. 

minseok sighed a sigh of relief. "good good. i just wanted to check in on how you were." 

seungjun smiled. "i appreciate the concern. how's that cute boy of yours?" 

minseok's face flushes a shade of pink at the topic of his crush. "well, we started texting...? so that's something. not a lot though." 

"no that's great! who was the one that asked?" 

"him, but he just said to text him if i needed any help in class. like i said, not a lot." 

"he was the one that made an effort to talk to you. that is a lot, minseok. it's a huge step. have you guys talked about anything besides schoolwork?" 

"well," minseok looked off into the distance. "just last night, we just stayed up until 2 am talking about random things." 

"2 am?! i'd usually be pissed at you for staying up that late but holy shit minseok, you guys are practically together." 

minseok chuckled, quickly denying it. "he probably does that with everyone, though." 

"but he probably doesn't! you have to give me the details. what did you guys talk about?" 

the younger brother rested his head on his hand. "we literally just talked about the people in the class we have together. and then we just shared some random facts about ourselves. apparently he owns two parakeets." 

"psh. at least you're getting somewhere. it's getting late though, you should head to bed. but let me know if anything else happens." 

minseok nods. "okay." 

"goodnight bud, i love you." 

"love you too." 

seungjun puts down his phone and looks up. he sees hyojin through the diner window, finishing up on closing. seungjun smiled to himself. he was looking forward to giving this random large tip to him. he could tell how dedicated hyojin was to his job and how hard working he was. even if his coworkers treated him like shit, he still managed to put a smile on his face. 

seungjun checked the time on his phone. 11:28 pm. hyojin still had two minutes until he was off but had finished early. he packed up his things and came out to seungjun's car. 

seungjun smiled as hyojin slid into the passenger's seat of his car. "hey." 

hyojin smiled in return. "hi!" 

"how was work?" 

the elder hummed. "it was work. nothing spectacular. how about you?" 

seungjun revved up his car. "it was good. like you said, work." 

hyojin nodded. "where we going?" 

"i'll leave that up to you. but somewhere where it's not my campus." 

hyojin chuckled. "how about the beach?" 

"it's a little cold for that, don't you think?" 

"right, so there won't be anyone around. we'll just have to have our flashlights." 

seungjun smiled as he ran his fingers through his hair. "i like the way you think. let me go pick us up a blanket first. maybe some snacks, too." 

hyojin agrees as seungjun makes his way to a local supermarket. "i can pay for us, if you'd like. it was my idea, anyways." 

"hyojin. this is the third time i've told you. i have plenty." seungjun laughs. "in fact, i want you to take out my wallet for me." 

the elder laughs as he fishes seungjun's wallet from his bag. "okay...?" 

"open it." 

hyojin obliges. 

"i want you to take out four of those fifty dollar bills." 

hyojin fishes the amount of money out of seungjun's wallet. "now what?" 

"that's for you." 

hyojin sighs. "i'm not taking it. it's your own well earned money." 

"listen," seungjun starts. "i get those tips off my looks from work. my looks! do i look like i want to make that type of money? i want to be paid for my hard work, not just for my appearance. so if we're talking about getting money for looks, i think you deserve some too." 

hyojin tsked. "thanks for that indirect compliment, but the money is for you to make. some of the tips might not even be for your looks!" 

seungjun looked over at the brunette and shook his head. 

"you're not gonna stop until i accept this money, are you?" 

"nope." 

hyojin pockets the money. "fine. but after this, no more money. as you would say, i have plenty." 

"psh, using my words against me, i see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully this chapter didn't bore y'all too much, the next one is SUPER long and a whole bumpy ride so be prepared


	14. fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: anorexia, minor minor smut, mention of death/suicide

"this was a good idea." 

hyojin smiled down at seungjun, who was laying on the blanket they set down on the sand. "you kinda look like you're freezing to death, so maybe not so much. that's my fault." 

seungjun quickly shook his head. "oh, not at all. i like it here. i should come down here during the nights more often." 

hyojin nodded. he grabbed a small muffin from the bin they brought with them and popped one into his mouth. he slid the remainder of the muffins towards seungjun. "you can keep the rest." 

seungjun titled his head. "you only had one, tiny muffin. you should have more." 

hyojin rejected. "this is all i need for the next morning. it's okay." 

"for the next morning...?" seungjun furrowed his brows. 

"did i not tell you? i'm on a diet." hyojin said before nibbling at the tiny treat. "i'm trying to keep just under twelve hundred calories per day." 

seungjun's eyes widened. "do you have any idea how bad that is for you?!" 

hyojin shrugs, not seeing it as an issue. "i'm still here, and i've been on the diet for six months." 

"that's literally terrible for you hyojin, i'm serious..." seungjun says, now fully sat up. "the average male should be consuming at least two thousand each day!" 

"guess i'm not the average male then." hyojin said as he dusted off his hands. 

seungjun sighed. "i want you to eat more. why did you start the diet anyway?" 

hyojin looked up at seungjun with a glare. "you really want to know?" 

seungjun opened his mouth, then closed it. he didn't want to pressure his friend into telling him why. but then again, seungjun himself revealed his biggest secret to him just last night. "i mean, i think it'd only be fair... i did tell you who had been causing me trouble yesterday." 

hyojin placed his hands behind him, where he had shifted his weight onto. "i guess you're right. about a year ago, i started dating my now ex boyfriend. he was always the one i went to if i needed anything and he was always extremely supportive of my choices. but for some weird reason, a few months in, he told me that i've started to gain weight and that i needed a way to cut some off. i didn't really think much of it and i just blatantly agreed. i began to cut my calorie intake by half so that i won't be super concerned about gaining anything. about a week into the diet, i got really sick, and i found out later that it was anorexia. however, about four months later, we broke it off and he moved back to the states. my body was so used to having so little food that as of right now, i'll feel ill if i have anything over fifteen hundred calories a day. because it was such a while ago, i don't even consider it as a main problem now. it's just how my body functions. so i've been totally fine since my last hospital visit." 

seungjun rubs his temples. but the older tries to reassure him with a hand on his shoulder. "it's really okay, seungjun. you don't have to worry. it's j-" 

"even after you had been diagnosed, he was still insistent on the diet?" seungjun asked. 

hyojin curled his lips and hummed. "he didn't see the diet as anything big. he thought the anorexia came from something else." 

"where the fuck else would it be coming f-" 

the brunette slapped a hand over his friend's mouth. he felt himself tearing up but tried to smile through it. "don't yell, please. he's gone now. he won't bother me about that sorta stuff again." 

seungjun could give less of a shit about whether or not his ex was gone, what mattered at that moment to him was the fact that because of him, it was impossible for hyojin to eat as much as before. it never occurred to him how thin his friend was, and he wanted a way to get him back on track. seungjun took hyojin's hand off his face as he looked down. "i just hope you know how much i care about you." 

"i know you do. i appreciate you wanting to help out. seriously, i do." hyojin reassures. 

the two sat in silence, watching the waves crash before them. seungjun wanted to talk about their feelings for each other, but didn't exactly know how to bring it up. he feels a head on his shoulder as he stares off into the distance. seungjun wraps his arm behind hyojin, pulling him closer to him. 

"do you wanna talk about it?" hyojin asks. 

seungjun nods. "yeah, i do." 

"okay. do you still have feelings for your ex?" 

seungjun started to think hard about this question. he sighed before answering. "i wish i didn't, but i still kind of like him. even after ev-" 

"it's okay. i understand." hyojin said, not wanting to stress out seungjun. "it's the same for mine. he never even loved me, but i loved him. there's a million things i wish i could've told him." 

seungjun nodded. "so... what does that mean about us? if we're both still in love with someone else..." 

"i don't know. relationships are complicated." the elder replied, resting his hand on the other's thigh. "but what i do know is i like you right now more than him." 

seungjun was shocked. he had no idea that hyojin actually felt that way in return. but all he could wonder was when? when did he start having feelings for him? "y-yeah, it's the same for me." 

hyojin turned his head to face seungjun. seungjun looked over and saw the deer faced boy closer to him than ever. he leaned down to plant a kiss onto his lips. hyojin returned it passionately, gripping onto seungjun's shirt. the younger wrapped his arms around the other's neck, still continuing to kiss him. seungjun has never felt so eager to kiss someone in his life. not only was it hyojin he was giving the kiss to, who deserved all of the kisses in the world, but he was legitimately enjoying it and he wanted more. 

seungjun tugged at hyojin's collar as he laid back on the blanket underneath them. hyojin scooted himself on top of him and leaned down to kiss him some more. he moved the hair out of the blonde's face and gripped at his scalp, earning a yelp out of seungjun. 

seungjun felt his lips start to swell up at the amount of kissing they've been doing. it wasn't a painful swelling, but a sweet, hazy kind of swelling. it was an indescribable pleasure that he couldn't get enough of. 

eventually, they pulled away from each other, catching their heavy breaths. hyojin swiped his thumb over seungjun's bottom lip. "it didn't hurt, did it?" 

seungjun looked into into the elder's eyes with pure lust. "it was a good kind of hurt." 

hyojin smirked, satisfied with what he's done. "that's what i like to hear." he held out his hand for seungjun to take. seungjun gripped onto his hand and was pulled upward. 

they encompass each other in a tight hug, still breathing heavily. it occurred to seungjun that this was the energy he needed if he were to be in a relationship. he's been so indecisive on his sexuality, but he didn't really care about it anymore. he didn't want to just like guys in general, he wanted to like hyojin and hyojin only. 

seungjun never wanted this hug to end. he felt so safe in hyojin's presence that he felt the second they departed, he'd be vulnerable to the rest of the world. unfortunately, all good things come to an end. they pulled away from the hug, awkwardly chuckling. 

hyojin scratched the back of his neck, looking down. "um... it's getting kinda late. we should head back soon." 

seungjun agreed. the two started to gather everything up and head back to the car. seungjun still had no idea where they were at relationship wise, but all he knew is that he liked hyojin and hyojin liked him. he didn't want to stay just friends with him any longer, but he didn't want to go too fast in case hyojin was uncomfortable with it. 

as seungjun began to rev up the car, hyojin had been zoning out. there was something he told seungjun that had been bothering him since he said it. he sighed before breaking the silence. "he died." 

seungjun turned to look at him, feeling confused but also mildly concerned. he shut off the car. "who?" 

"my ex. he didn't move anywhere. he took his life." hyojin said, his voice deepening. "i was hesitant on talking about him for that reason. i felt bad lying to you earlier so i'm telling you the truth now." 

seungjun's heart went heavy. he took hyojin's hand and squeezed it. hyojin used his free hand to cover his face as he began to sob again. "i'm so sorry... you don't have to feel bad. it's okay." 

hyojin struggled to regain himself. it hurt seungjun that it affected his friend so bad. he stayed silent at hyojin's cries filled the car. "h-he... he was so unhappy with me. even after everything i've sacrificed for him, nothing was enough for him. we got into a huge fight one day and i walked out, coming to this exact place actually, feeling sorry for myself. i came back a few hours later and..." hyojin paused. "he was in the bathtub and t- there was blood everywhere..." 

seungjun started to shush him as he pulls the crying boy to his side. "i'm so sorry dear. i wish there was something i could do to make you feel better. god, i can't even imagine..." 

"his parents blamed me. my own parents blamed me. they had been so ashamed of me ever since i was born, and this situation didn't make things any better. i thought that he was the only one in my life who would love me for who i was. but there was no one. after he died, i wasn't anybody. i was just a broke college student working minimum wage with no one around me. that's why it was the biggest miracle once you came to be. i've never known what it was like to be appreciated and wanted by someone in my life." hyojin paused to take a breather. "i had to seek therapy after that day. but i had to stop going after two weeks because it was hoarding all of my college tuition. when your father said i was a lowlife, he wasn't wrong." 

"hyojin baby, please..." 

hyojin's heart felt a rush of adrenaline when he heard the nickname from seungjun. 

"you aren't a lowlife at all. a lot of us struggle with money. that's not your fault. i know for a fact you're doing the best you can. you know why i lend you so much of my own? because you're a hard worker! and you deserve so much more than you get!" seungjun encourages. "and you already know how much i love you, right? i wish your parents and your ex saw what i can see. i see someone beautiful and sweet and hard working in you. you deserve everything you get from me, hyojin. don't let this beat you up. you have me now." 

hyojin sniffles, slowly regaining himself. "thank you seungjun. seriously. i don't know where i'd be right now if it wasn't for you. it's been ages since i've last smiled. i'm happy you're here for me." 

seungjun leans down to place a kiss on the top of hyojin's head. "i'll always be here for you." 

hyojin shut his eyes, hoping to not regret his following words. "seungjun?" 

"hm?" 

"w-will you be my boyfriend? please?" 

seungjun smiles and feels his heart warm up. "of course i will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh hi did y'all like that?? hopefully that wasn't too messy


	15. fifteen

seungjun arrives to his lectures with a smile on his face. he was tired as hell after staying up so late with his now boyfriend, but that didn't affect him that much. all that mattered to him was the date the two had set up for later today. 

for the first time in a while, seungjun was able to focus in class and take notes. he was able to communicate with his professor to figure out when he should work on his studies and turn in homework. once he realized he was able to balance school, work, and his relationship perfectly, he cheered some more on the inside. 

changyoon hadn't been showing up to class ever since he had told his secret to hyojin. seungjun felt like he shouldn't be too concerned about that, but was a little skeptical on where he was a lot of the time. usually, he was about always in his presence, whether that be school or him following seungjun back to his dorms. he decided not to worry too much about it. 

as he was making his way back down to his dorm, he felt someone sling an arm around him. seungjun whips his head around and smiles when he sees minkyun. "hey, what's up?" 

"hi seungsoup." 

seungjun rolls his eyes. "seriously, where the hell did you get that nickname from?" he lightly pushes minkyun's arm off his back. 

"isn't it creative though? i'm such a genius for coming up with it." 

seungjun chuckles, shaking his head. "are you going to san's party next week?" 

"i guess now that you brought it up, i am now. how'd you find out about it?" 

"well, funny story. i actually smoked some with jaeyoung the other day and he thought i was pretty cool for doing so. y'know, the ole 'rich but lame kid finally smokes a joint' achievement? so yeah, he invited me." 

"wow, i didn't know my little baby seungjun smoked." 

"i'm literally a grown ass man." 

"right, anyways. when exactly is it?" 

"i'll have to ask him about that. reason i wanted you to come was because i've never been to a party, and i can trust you to assist me. i love the dude, but there's no way in hell i'm about to rely on jaeyoung." 

minkyun laughed. "yeah, i can understand that. how's hyojin?" 

"oh right, i forgot to tell you. we're dating now." 

minkyun nearly choked. "you two are dating?! since when?" 

"we just confessed to each other last night. we planned on going out for coffee this afternoon. if you wanted to tag along, you can." 

"psh, you two just started dating. i'm not about to third wheel some newlyweds. y'all can have your fun." 

seungjun laughed. "newlyweds. right." 

"anyways, i'll catch you later. have fun with hyojin tonight, let him know i say hi." minkyun smiled. 

"okay, i will." 

"oh, and also," minkyun leaned in closer to seungjun's ear. "good on you for dumping that twat." 

seungjun awkwardly chuckled. "thanks, i suppose." 

"see ya!" 

seungjun waved, feeling weird about the note minkyun left off on. if he was being truthful, him and changyoon weren't technically exes yet. he needed to tell him that at some point, but he knew the reaction he'd recieve was going to be brutal. 

\- 

"ugh, my exams are that next day. i have to study that night. i'm so sorry, love." hyojin apologized regretfully as he rested his chin in his hand. "i'm hoping minkyun will be enough to assist you." 

seungjun smiled, shaking his head. "don't worry about it at all. i honestly didn't really wanna go either, but he was super insistent on it. and it's my first time at one, too. so i just wanna get the chance to experience it." 

hyojin nods. "that's understandable. i wish i could come, i really do." 

"it's okay, for real. i'll text you once i make it home safe." 

"okay, just promise me you won't kiss anyone else...?" 

"not even if i was blackout drunk." 

hyojin chuckled, slightly blushing. "thanks, baby." 

\- 

"how's your boyfriend doing?" 

minseok chuckled, hiding his face in the bed he'd been laying on. "he's not even my boyfriend. and he's fine." 

"fine? just fine? come on, what have y'all been up to lately?" seungjun asked as he held his phone above him, laying back on his pillow. 

"well, i was gonna tell you that i won't be able to talk tomorrow because i'll be going to his house t-" 

seungjun gasped dramatically. "look at my little bro getting some of tha-" 

"are you asking for a death wish?!" minseok scolded. "as i way saying, i planned on going to his house to finish up a project with him." 

"booo. that's lame." 

"did you seriously expect more?!" 

"the least y'all could do was watch a movie or something. try making a move on him, i don't know." 

"seungjun. please." minseok wiped a hand over his face. "he's going to hate me if i do that." 

"well if the next time you call me aren't dating news, then i don't want it." 

"psh, okay. guess this is our last call ever then." 

"in all seriousness though," seungjun said. "don't doubt yourself. if he's staying up late with you and inviting you to his house, then he's making an effort. he doesn't totally hate you. he enjoys your presence." 

minseok ruffles his hair. "i guess..." 

"i'm being for real, bro. anyways, you should get some sleep. you have to look good for your date tomorrow." 

"it's not a date!" 

"right, okay. you should still get some sleep either way. i love you bud." 

minseok sighs. "love you too." 

"goodnight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to jst have a chapter compiled of cute lil moments so i can give yall a break <3


	16. sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another vibey chapter :D only it's a little long so i hope that's chill

"why the hell did he have to put it on a monday?" seungjun asks before taking his first hit of the day. 

jaeyoung shrugs. "san's so weird dude, i don't know. did you find out whether or not you worked on that day?" 

"well i was supposed to, but my coworker, yunho, had been running low on hours. so i just gave the shift to him." 

"attaboy." jaeyoung blowed out a trail of smoke. "that prick of yours isn't coming, is he?" 

seungjun feels his heart drop for a split second before he remembers that jaeyoung had last seen him with changyoon. he shrugs. "the last time i saw him was the last time you saw him with me. so probably not." 

"thank god. no offense, but he's a total dick. i'm surprised you keep up with him." jaeyoung says as he inhales a large one. 

seungjun just awkwardly nods, taking his next hit. it's not like he could tell jaeyoung that he was now dating someone else. he hardly even knew the dude. 

"so will you need a ride?" 

seungjun shakes his head. "my other friend will be coming, so we'll both just go together. you'll have to let me know where it's at though." 

"okay. who's coming?" 

"minkyun." 

"ah, classic minkyun, huh?" jaeyoung blows out another waft of smoke. "we're in the same major. i always try to offer him one of these, but he never accepts them. i bet he thinks he's too cool for them." he chuckles, holding up the joint between his fingers. 

seungjun chuckles along. "it definitely sounds like him." 

jaeyoung grabs his phone and stands up from his bed once he unlocks it. "my buddies are finally awake. we're going back to our hideout. wanna join?" 

seungjun shakes his head. "no thank you. the weed session was great, but i have to finish up my studies." 

jaeyoung scoffs. "i can see why you're friends with minkyun. you're just like him, but you're slightly cooler. slightly." 

seungjun laughs. "thanks....?" 

"if you're done with that, i can toss it." 

seungjun takes one last puff before handing the joint to jaeyoung. "thanks for being my personal drug dealer." 

jaeyoung chuckles. "you're one of the few i give free joints to. i'll text you the address later, yeah?" 

seungjun agrees as he watches his roommate leave their dorm room. 

\- 

"holy shit babe, you looked baked. how come you never told me you smoked?" hyojin asks as seungjun slides into the seat next to him. 

"me? smoking? nah." 

hyojin laughs as he rolls down his window slightly. "you literally reek of weed, babe. it's okay, don't worry about it. i couldn't care less if you smoked, just as long as it's not cigarettes." 

"cigarettes are nasty as hell, no thank you." 

hyojin snickered, beginning to drive away from the school. "anyways, it looks like we got the whole day to ourselves, but i have to go in at 5:30. anything specific you wanna do till then?" 

seungjun gazed out the front window, trying to think of something that him and hyojin would both be able to agree on. he was still a little lightheaded but tried his best to hide it so it wouldn't ruin the little time they had together. "wanna go shopping?" 

hyojin nodded. "sure. i need some more clothes anyway." 

\- 

"ugh, seriously hyojin? this doesn't fit me at all." 

"come on, i bet it looks great! show me." 

seungjun swung open the door to the changing room and showed his boyfriend the pair of jeans that just barely managed to fit him. hyojin got heart eyes. "damn babe, you look so hot right now." 

seungjun shushed him, not wanting to feel embarrassed in front of other people. "these are practically cutting off the circulation at my thighs." 

"don't be silly. i'm getting them for you. go change into that shirt i picked out for you." hyojin suggested, making sure to tap at the younger's butt a couple of times. 

seungjun sighed as he spun around and made his way back into the changing room. hyojin leaned next to the door as he fished out his phone. the time was 11:26 am, so they still had plenty of time before hyojin had to go to work. 

he played a little bit on his phone before he heard seungjun call out. "do you wanna see it?" 

hyojin turned around with a smirk, shoving his phone back into his pocket. "i would love to see it." 

seungjun opened the door and stepped out to show hyojin the shirt he chose for him. hyojin's mouth hung open. "god, i knew i made the right decision with this one. i'm getting it for you." 

seungjun was overwhelmed with the complements. he tried his best to cover up his hint of blush. hyojin wanted to poke fun at the bad job his boyfriend was doing of pretending to not look flustered, but decided to let him off the hook instead. 

"fine... but don't expect me to wear either of these much." 

"oh, i'm expecting it. i better see those jeans the next time we go out." 

seungjun groaned, but gave in. "i'll only be doing this for you." 

"as you should've been in the first place." hyojin shot a wink. 

\- 

hyojin chuckled as he saw seungjun's car parked outside of his work. he opened the door next to his. "you didn't stay here during my entire shift, did you?" 

seungjun shook his head. "nah, i went and grabbed us some food, though. i figured you might've been hungry after your shift." 

hyojin raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend as he fastened his seatbelt. "that's going over my plan for today, seungjun." 

the blonde gave hyojin puppy eyes. "please? at least have two bites? for me?" 

the elder let a breath out through his nose as he ruffled seungjun's head. "okay, fine. just two though." 

seungjun beamed with excitement as he handed hyojin the food he had gotten him. he was still concerned about the other's condition and wanted to try his best to get him back on track. even if it didn't affect hyojin, it affected seungjun. he had to start out small by getting him to at least a thousand calories. from there, he'd try to work his way up. of course, he wasn't gonna pressure hyojin into eating if he really didn't want to, but he didn't want to risk him feeling sick due to his condition. 

seungjun rubbed hyojin's head as he finished up chewing. the brunette was determined to get over his fear of calories in order to be in a better shape for seungjun, but something was telling him that he was doing his ex boyfriend disgrace. his ex never wanted to see him eat. hyojin would work hard to eat enough to where he wouldn't die but also eat as little as possible to avoid gaining any "unhealthy" weight, as his ex had called it. 

"hyojin sweetie?" 

the small boy shook out his thoughts and directed his attention towards seungjun. "hm?" 

"you looked like you were thinking about something. do you wanna talk about it?" 

he shook his head, but still managing to smile. "i wasn't thinking about anything. i'm just kinda tired." 

seungjun tilted his head. "you sure? you know you can talk to me if you need to, babe." 

"yes, i'm positive. we should head back now." 

\- 

seungjun woke up under hyojin's bedsheets, only wearing his boxer briefs from last night. he hid himself under the blanket as he thought back to the events that took place after he had driven hyojin back to his complex. 

"why are you getting so shy?" hyojin asks as he ruffles seungjun's hair from outside the blanket. "it's not like that was the first time we did that before." 

"yeah, but..." seungjun felt his face flush pink. "waking up in someone else's bed the morning after... feels new to me." 

the elder laughs before leaning down to press a kiss to seungjun's forehead. "you're so cute. we should get ready, we have the day to ourselves again." 

seungjun reaches his hand out from under the covers and grabs his phone. he unlocks it to check the time. "mm, i have to go in later today." 

hyojin clicked his tongue. "lame. okay, we should make the most of it, then. anywhere specific you wanna go?" 

seungjun scoots himself from the sheets, now leaning against the bed frame. "do you think we could just chill here?" 

hyojin nodded. "of course we can." he said as he scooted himself back under the covers. "let's cuddle." 

the two huddled into each other, with hyojin stroking the younger's hair. "the party is tomorrow, right?" 

seungjun nods. 

"i want you to be careful. i've been to parties like the one you're going to and they can be extremely dangerous. if you plan on drinking, make sure minkyun's watching your drink when you're not around it." 

seungjun tilts his head. "why is that?" 

hyojin lets out a sigh. he knows seungjun's never been to a party, but he felt like he shouldn't be the one to tell him what bad things go on at parties. "it's a college frat party. there'll be people guaranteed to mess around with you, especially if you're a target of weird rumors. people will want to drug your drink, so i'm begging you. please be careful. those people have been the reason that some students go missing. it's really not a situation you wanna be in." 

seungjun feels his stomach turn, knowing that changyoon has been continuing to tell everyone how often they banged each other. he never told hyojin about him being on everyone's lips at one point, nor still to this day. "okay, i'll be careful." 

"i'm terrified of having to tell you this but make sure you have your location turned on just in case anything happens. i'm praying nothing happens, but you should stay prepared. seriously, seungjun. don't lose sight of minkyun." 

seungjun scoots in closer, practically squeezing hyojin. he had second thoughts of attending the party after hearing his boyfriend's concerns. but he didn't want to leave his college days without experiencing college things. he nodded. "i'll be careful, i promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be the party :00


	17. seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw : drugs, alcohol, sexual harassment

seungjun breathed in heavily, constantly readjusting in his seat. "oh my god, we're almost there." 

minkyun smiled. "hey, don't be nervous. this is the time you can let loose. there'll be no one around to judge you. just stay close to me, okay?" 

seungjun agrees, letting out a shaky breath. 

"if it makes you feel any better, there'll be plenty of weed there." 

"it's good to hear that, at least. it doesn't make any less nervous." 

"you'll be fine! it's all about having fun and going with the flow." minkyun parks the car in front of san's house. "you ready?" 

"ready as i'll ever be..." seungjun said as he turned on the location on his phone and stepped out of the car. minkyun followed and slung his arm around his friend. 

as the two make their way inside, seungjun feels his heart pump. he was met with tons of people he had recognized from class and some people he hadn't recognized at all. the stench of alcohol and weed had made its way to seungjun's nose. at that moment, he started to crave some of the weed he had been smelling 

"hey, you made it." jaeyoung walked up to greet seungjun. "either of y'all want some?" 

"i would love some." seungjun said as he took a joint from jaeyoung's hand. 

"i would not." minkyun said politely. 

"psh, you're really no fun minkyun." jaeyoung said. "how about something to drink?" 

seungjun blew out his first hit. "i'll probably have a little bit." 

"get me a full cup." minkyun said. 

"wow, i guess you're not as boring as i thought. i'll be right back, make yourselves comfortable." jaeyoung said before walking off. 

minkyun shook his head. "isn't he generous?" 

seungjun inhaled another one before responding. "definitely. let's go find a couch or something." 

the friends make their way to the largest sofa in the room, slumping themselves down on it. seungjun takes more hits to reduce his stress levels. the room was flooded with people and seungjun couldn't help but get a tad bit of anxiety. would anyone recognize him? 

"yo, seungjun." 

seungjun looked up to see jaeyoung holding a shot of vodka for him. "jesus, i literally just gave you that. you're already sloshed as fuck." 

seungjun waved his hand in denial. "i'm fine. thank you for the drinks." he grabbed the shot from jaeyoung's hand and quickly downed it. and just like that, he asked him for a full cup. 

minkyun took a swing at his drink as the music boomed in the room. he managed to drink it without a reaction to be seen. 

"you never told me you drank." seungjun said. 

minkyun chuckled. "we never talk about drinking though, do we?" 

"i suppose you're right." 

jaeyoung appears back with seungjun's cup filled to the brim. seungjun thank him as he took a large sip of the vodka. he flinched as he swallowed it but loved how it felt traveling down his throat. he was really learning how to be the average college student here. 

"hey, didn't you sleep with changyoon?" a new voice that seungjun didn't recognize appeared next to him on the couch. 

seungjun squinted, barely being able to process what was happening. he was already stoned from the countless amount of hits he didn't know he had been taking, and was on the verge of tipsiness just from two sips of vodka. "who the hell are you....?" 

"does that matter?" the mysterious boy's hand moved his hand onto seungjun's chin. "i wanted to see what all of his fussing was all ab-" 

minkyun slapped the boy's hand off of seungjun. "what the hell do you think you're doing?!" 

he looked up and smirked at minkyun. "well if it isn't minkyun? you know who this man is? tell me more about him, i'd love to get to know him better." 

"you creepy fuck. this is why i've never liked you, seonghwa." minkyun spat. 

seonghwa has his tongue in his cheek. "right, you barely even give a fuck about me. take your sex toy somewhere else. i'll be on my way now." 

seonghwa stands up and leaves, bumping into minkyun in the process. minkyun sighs heavily and sits back next to seungjun. seungjun had still been processing what had been happening. "minkyun... what just hap-" 

"don't worry about it." he responds. "i won't let him near you again." 

seungjun stretches out his neck, still confused at everything that was going on. he just missed hyojin and was looking forward to seeing him again. he took another hit of his joint and stood up from the couch. "i want more. i'll be back." 

seungjun blindingly made his way through the crowd to refill his drink. he felt himself being touched in weird areas left and right but tried his best to cancel it all out. eventually, he made it to the kitchen, where he saw the tall bottle of vodka before his eyes. 

the blonde, innocent boy grabbed the large bottle and poured it into his cup, spilling a little bit of it in the process. he set down the bottle and picked up his cup, taking a large swing at it immediately. 

"holy shit..." was all seungjun could say. his vision became unclear and his thoughts weren't processing thoroughly. all he could think about was how much vodka and weed he wanted in his system. 

he's pouring himself more. now, do it! 

seungjun sets down the large bottle after, yet again, pouring more in his cup. without any thought, he chugged up all that was in his cup. 

"ugh... i need to piss..." seungjun groaned as he made his way out of the kitchen to find the bathroom. 

it took a long while of walking around and bumping into people, but there were no vacant bathrooms to be found. he decided to simply just pee outside. he walked to the back door and swung it open to find a private area he could do his business. 

just as he stepped outside, his vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways what do yall want from mcdonalds


	18. eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw : ch*ngyoon, violence

jaeyoung, have you seen seungjun? 

no, i thought he was with you...? 

fuck! i've been trying to look for him for half an hour now. this is bad... this is really fucking bad... 

"hey minkyun, what's up?" 

he's gone. i can't find him anywhere. 

"text me where you're at. i'm on my way." 

\- 

pounding was all he could feel in his head. seungjun began to feel himself drive out of unconciousness in attempts to make his migraine stop. unfortunately, once he opened his eyes, there was far more to worry about. 

"seungjun..." 

the male felt his heart drop before him. he couldn't see anything in the pitch blackness, but he was no stranger to hearing that voice. seungjun already knew he was in serious trouble. 

the way changyoon said his name was irksome. it had almost been like he was calling out for a cat. looking back, the time where he didn't know where he was or what he had been doing should've been cherished a lot more. 

seungjun felt a jolt of adrenaline, and wanted to do everything awful to changyoon that he possibly could. he taught him awful. he had purposely made him to stay up countless nights and feel an unreal amount of pain. seungjun tried to move his hands, but instantly regretted it as the metal feeling around his wrists dug into his skin. he realized he had been incapable of speaking as well, with a wad of duct tape placed over his mouth. 

"you already know what you're here for, right?" 

despite everything around him being pitch black, he could sense he was inside a car. in the passenger's seat of changyoon's, to be exact. his hands were stuck being held upward, meaning the handcuffs had been wrapped over the upper handle. seungjun continued to struggle out of them, but the pain on his wrists got infinitely worse. a groan couldn't escape his lips. 

"quit trying. you're not gonna get out." changyoon spat. "now look at me." 

seungjun turned his head to the left, seeing just a sliver of light reflect off of changyoon's face. changyoon smirked at him. "you should see the look on your face. the cute, innocent little boy i have in front of me. who looks like he's just begging to be released. but this is what happens when you don't keep secrets. this is what happens when you ruin reputations. this is what happens when break it off with me, especially without telling me anything. so since you fucked me over, and i practically fucked you over by telling the whole school about us too, you'll be happy with where we're at right now." 

changyoon starts to rev up the engine and the headlights reveal a place that sets seungjun off. a cliff. 

the younger begins to struggle more, nearly thrashing himself in the process. changyoon grabs at seungjun's hair, pulling it harshly. "stop fucking around. you should be glad i'm going with you. that fucker of a boyfriend you have right now won't have to worry about either of us anymore." 

seungjun began to whimper, hoping that the location on his phone was still on and that either minkyun, hyojin, or anyone, would be coming soon. he refused to die today. 

changyoon gripped at the wheel as he stared at the struggling boy. "i'm sorry this is the way you're going out. but you shouldn't have done that. you're gonna repay for what you've done. i hope you've said your goodbyes already." changyoon huffed. "just know i still love you." 

before he could change his mind, he set his foot on the gas. the car began to race at high speeds, making it's way towards the edge of the cliff. without much thought, seungjun lifted up his left leg and kicked at changyoon's side. he jerked away from the wheel as seungjun continued to kick him with impact. changyoon shoved his leg away from him. 

"motherfucker!" changyoon yells. 

seungjun doesn't stop there as he brings up his other leg and kick changyoon's head against his window. the window cracks and creates a scar on the side of his head. changyoon tries to move the vehicle but seungjun continues to kick as hard as he can. he feels his wrists numbing as he tries to free himself. 

"stop that!" changyoon yells loudly again. 

eventually, seungjun kicks at the keys in the slot and breaks them, quickly stopping the car. 

changyoon grabs at his ankles. "you seriously want to do this the hard way? huh?!" he grabs a pocket knife from his side of the car and plunges it deep into the side of seungjun's leg. seungjun cries out as he only struggles more. 

changyoon removes the knife, letting the other bleed out of his leg. he drags the struggling boy towards him and plunges the knife in again, only in torso rather than his leg. seungjun tries to ignore the burning pain and kick at changyoon with his non wounded leg. changyoon hits the back of his head on the window again, cracking it more. 

suddenly, the window is bashed open from the outside and changyoon is dragged by the neck, away from seungjun. seungjun was barely able to make out minkyun, who had now been going alpha on changyoon. changyoon had lost grip on his knife and was now being beaten to bits by minkyun. 

seungjun hears a knock at his own window and turns around. he sees hyojin struggling to get his door open as it had been locked prior. seungjun pleads with his eyes and he struggles more with his handcuffs. 

"minkyun, it's locked!" hyojin shouts. 

seungjun begins to lose his vision again due to the amount of blood he's losing from his torso. but he tries to keep himself awake as much as possible. minkyun knocks changyoon out and quickly makes his way to the side of the car. with the window broken, he unlocks it from the outside and hyojin swings open the other door immediately. he grabs seungjun and drags him out of the car, but his hands were still restrained. he removes the tape off of seungjun's mouth and checks his face. 

"are you okay?" hyojin asks as he strokes seungjun's cheek. 

seungjun tries to regain control of his conciousness. "please... get these off me..." 

hyojin looks and sees seungjun's wrists were bloody. he tries to break him out of the handcuffs, but seungjun groans in pain as he feels his wrists being slaughtered. hyojin wipes away of tear as he feels a hint of deja vu, but tries to fight it away. 

flashing red and blue lights were seen in the distance and sirens rang in seungjun's ears. two police cars had parked behind changyoon's and a countless number of cops armed themselves. hyojin instantly stepped away and lifted up his arms, along with minkyun who had still been trying to keep changyoon down. 

seungjun couldn't stay afloat any longer. as the police came to rescue him, he had dozed off once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh what do yall want from mcdonalds


	19. nineteen

oh my fucking god minkyun, what the hell were you doing?! 

i really thought he was making a quick trip, i swear... 

i trusted you to be watching him the whole time! the WHOLE time! why would you let this happen?! 

seungjun opened his eyes and saw hyojin and minkyun at the end of the bed. the sounds of hyojin going at minkyun's throat had woken him up. "babe... it's okay." 

hyojin turned his head and quickly approached seungjun, leaning down to hug him. "oh my god seungjun... i almost lost you." 

seungjun felt his heart ache as he hugged hyojin back. "i'm here now, don't worry." 

hyojin pulled away and choked out a sob. "you almost died... you almost left me just like that..." 

seungjun looked up at minkyun. minkyun looked down, ashamed at the job he had done. "i'm so sorry seungjun, i wasn't-" 

"it's my own fault. i really wasn't thinking... i was being stupid. i didn't really want minkyun to follow me anyway...." seungjun wiped a hand over his face. "w-what happened...?" 

"they arrested the three of us, including changyoon." hyojin told him. "you were brought here by the paramedics. when we had to explain to them what happened, they took changyoon into custody. we got here as quick as we could and it appears they already did tests on you. it didn't look like anything was fatal aside from the fact you had a lot of alcohol in your system and you lost a lot of blood. no semen, thankfully..." 

seungjun huffed. "i... didn't expect him to be there. i hadn't seen him in so long that i figured not to stress it. ugh, i shouldn't have even gone..." 

minkyun gives him a sad smile. "well, all that matters now is that you're okay. you won't be seeing him again any time soon." 

hyojin shoots him a glare. "this whole thing could've been easily prevented if it wasn't for you." 

"hyojin. let's not fight anymore. it really wasn't his fault." seungjun reassures. "he's right. all we can do from here is move forward. i'm still alive so that's all that matters, right?" 

hyojin sighs. "i guess so. i still won't be forgiving him any time soon, though." 

"please, he w-" 

"no, i totally understand that." minkyun says. "if it were my boyfriend, i'd be pissed as fuck. i'm surprised hyojin's even letting me breathe his air right now." 

"oh, that reminds me." hyojin turns to face the friend. "i need to speak to him alone for a second." 

minkyun swallows and nods, shortly before leaving the room for the two. hyojin turns back around to face his boyfriend. all he could feel were tears threatening to fall out of his eyes again. "you don't have any idea how much my heart dropped when minkyun called me. i was a bawling mess on my way to your friend's party. i was so pissed at minkyun, i'm surprised i didn't totally blow up on him. i even blamed myself at one point because i totally jinxed it. i thought i wouldn't ever see you again, seungjun. i thought i lost you. you're so damn lucky you listened to me and had your location on, oh my god... i couldn't imagine what was going on w-" 

seungjun rested his hand on hyojin's to calm him down. "i'm sorry i made you worry. i'm not letting that happen again, okay?" 

hyojin regained his breath and eventually agreed. "okay. i hope you know how much i love you." 

seungjun smiled and nodded. "i love you too, babe." 

the elder leaned down and kissed seungjun. seungjun melted into the kiss and felt his lover's warmth radiate onto him. 

at that moment, all seungjun could think about was hyojin. nothing else mattered to him in the world. all he knew, once in for all, was he would never be leaving his side from then on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it for "kiss your scars" ! jst in time for onf's comeback too ;) i rlly hope you guys liked this story, i apologize for the slow updates but thank you so much for reading <33


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